real life

Podcast: Shared hobbies with your partner: Yes or No?

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I killed a man by running over him in my car.

I didn’t mean it.  I was forced by love and stupidity to do it. There I was, nervously perched on the couch, a meth head planning a bank heist who just ran over an innocent man.  And all because I was pushed into my boyfriend’s stupid hobby.

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Video games.

I can’t watch them, I don’t want to listen to them and I certainly, CERTAINLY do not want to play them. The content, the violence, the creepy characters, the extra-screen time in a world that doesn’t really need any more. I’m just not that into it.

It’s something I’ve made pretty clear to my boyfriend, who is a human moth to an X Box flame. But does that stop him from asking me to play?


Nope. Every day, it’s ‘look what I did. If you just play this little bit you might like it’. “Why don’t you try THIS game? There aren’t any strip clubs in this one.”

My face.

And I don’t get it.

I don’t ask him to partake in my hobbies. I don’t pester him to make scented candles with me or create pinterest boards and sew wheat bags. I don’t ask him to come along to Spotlight because “this time, you might just really like it”.

Why do men always want us to do their shit hobbies with them?

I’m not alone here. A strawpoll in our office (of over 80 women) saw the following responses:

My friends boyf has roped her into coin collecting. Makes her go in online ballots to win limited edition coins for him!

Bike riding. He has been suggesting it as a weekend activity for 15 years. No way am I doing that.

Making me watch/ go to NFL games because he’s that obsessed with American football. At least he isn’t making me start a fantasy team.

Ex was always trying to get me do any sort of couple fitness. Seriously – I don’t want to see you sweat, I want your physical perfection to be an illusion.

Those stupid remote control slot cars that go around on the tracks and around and around and around.. and all those freaks hang out in this small indoor centres and glue teeny tiny fake trees on pretend race tracks.. and race each other on those bizarre electronic tracks.. Weird. .

All legitimate hobbies. All great things to be passionate about. All boring as shit/torture/pointless for the women in their lives, not that that stops them from trying.

On the Mamamia Out Loud podcast this week, Jamila Rizvi asks whether it’s a male thing for men to want to share their achievements as widely as possible. A chest beating, look at me, look at what I’m -doing type thing.

Mia says sharing hobbies can be a great thing, it can lead you to dip your toe into discovering new passions. But when you don’t like it? Ugh. Please stop asking us and let us go back to our own thing.

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When you DO find them, shared hobbies are GREAT. They breed intimacy, fun, and lead to happier, more fulfilled relationships. It gives you time together, something other to talk about than whose turn it is to cook dinner, and the chance to ignite passionate talk that goes further than “Bin night. Your turn.”

Shared hobbies: yes or no?