It started as a joke from a colleague. Crystal* didn't actually think she'd go through with it…

After years in a "controlling marriage", the mum-of-two had sworn off relationships entirely.

Even though she was lonely, Crystal "couldn't even stand a man looking at her".

So when a co-worker floated the idea of booking a male escort, she had her doubts.

"I wondered whether I would ever be able to enjoy intimacy again if I was unable to permit them to approach me," Crystal told Mamamia.

Watch: The reality of filming a sex scene. Post continues after video.

She continued: "I craved intimacy and touch but was determined to never allow a man to coerce or force me into something I didn't want."

Still, Crystal couldn't get her colleague's suggestion out of her head. 

"That night, I was going down a rabbit hole of testimonials, and I found myself in tears reading the reviews," she said.

These women "spoke [her] language".

"I thought, 'Oh my God, I want that too. I might need to do this'. Just to be around a man again and test the waters."

So, Crystal made a booking through a companion website.

But on the day she was meant to meet her male escort, nerves got the better of her.

"When I was getting ready to go out, I threw up.

"I thought, 'what am I doing? Oh my god. This is what my life has come to. I have to pay a man just to spend time with me. How bad has it gotten?'"

Pushing those thoughts aside, Crystal went to meet her companion. Quickly, she relaxed.

"I was surprised at how at ease I felt in his presence. Somehow, I felt free to reclaim my own voice and sexual identity. I felt back in control of my body."

The experience "let something go" in Crystal.

"I was concerned I would never engage in sexual activity again. And it had been such a long time," she explained. "It was such a relief. I thought, 'this is okay. I can do this'. And we're not ruling it out for the rest of my life."

It was a "great shift" for Crystal.

"It just opened me up again. It healed some stuff in me that I was concerned I had broken somewhere and could never enjoy my own body again, or be in the presence of a man and still have ownership of my own body and sexuality."

The mum-of-two has since recommended the experience to her daughter, who is in her 20s.

"We have always had a relationship where she can tell me anything. She confided in me that she had the devastating experience of a non-consensual sexual encounter," Crystal said. 

"This broke my heart as a mother. I spoke to her about my experience and if she ever felt ready or felt the need to re-engage with her body, I would pay the fee for her booking. Whenever she is ready, I'll help her to do so."

As a mother, Crystal wants her daughter to know that "sex is beautiful, and she can find her way back to loving her own experiences in a safe, controlled environment, and she can find herself and sexuality again".

Crystal booked the male escort through Her Confidant, Australia's only female-focused companionship agency, founded by Anna Grosman.

"Women are increasingly seeking out safe, supportive spaces to reconnect with their bodies and have positive sexual experiences," Anna told Mamamia. 

"Her Confidant is a woman-centred space where intimacy is intentional, slow, consent-led and emotionally attuned. For many women, it becomes the first step in rebuilding confidence and a healthy relationship with their own sexuality."

In Crystal's case, the experience has "helped to reclaim [her] power back as a woman".

"I find it hard to put into words, but I hope it translates well for other women who need the same and can resonate with my story."

Feature Image: Getty. Stock image for illustrative purposes only.

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons.