At 41, Maggie Smith left her husband’s 'violent mood swings'. Then an old flame came into her life.

Dame Maggie Smith is known by each generation for a different iconic role of hers. 

Take for example, Professor McGonagall in Harry Potter, Violet Crawley the Dowager Countess of Grantham in Downton Abbey, or Smith's days doing serious theatre and Shakespeare.

Throughout her more than 60 years on screen and stage, Smith has done everything from the light and funny, the dramatic high brow and also the realm of fantasy.

Although she runs in friendship circles with the entertainment industry's elite, including Dame Judi Dench, Smith's life away from the spotlight has been just as interesting.

And a lot of it has to do with her path to finding love with second husband Beverley Cross.

Watch Dame Maggie Smith talk about being recognised by fans. Story continues below.

From a young age, Smith knew she wanted to act, much to her parent's disapproval. She was born in 1934 and raised in Oxford, her father a pathologist and her mother a secretary. 

"Honest to God, I have no idea where the urge came from. It was such a ghastly time and we didn't go to the theatre. I got into terrible trouble once because the neighbours took me to the cinema on a Sunday. But I had a wonderful teacher, Dorothy Bartholomew, who also taught Miriam Margolyes, and who encouraged me," Smith told ES Magazine. 

So she decided to go to a local drama school.

And it was here that she first met her future second husband - Beverley Cross.

At the time, Smith was 18 and was playing Viola in the Shakespearean play Twelfth Night at the Oxford Playhouse.

Cross was a playwright. He was "a bit older" and kind to her. When he asked Smith to marry him, he was still married so she agreed to wait for him to get a divorce. But while waiting for his divorce to go through, Smith met a fellow actor and got swept away. 

His name was Robert Stephens. Smith and Stephens were acting together on stage regularly with Laurence Olivier's National Theatre company. Looking back, Smith said to The Guardian that she didn't see the warning signs at the start of her relationship with Stephens. 

Stephens was already married and had a child, but it was his temper that concerned people.

"Everyone else did [see him as dangerous]. God knows, Larry [Laurence Oliver] tried hard to persuade him not to go anywhere near me," Smith said. "So maybe it was me who was seen as the crazy one." 

By 1967, Stephens and Smith were married. For the first few years, Smith said she was unaware of his drinking and that everything appeared fine. The couple went on to have two sons together - Toby Stephens and Chris Larkin who are both now actors too.

Maggie Smith and Robert Stephens in 1972. Image: Getty. 

In 1970, while playing the lead in Billy Wilder's The Private Life Of Sherlock Holmes, Stephens tried to end his own life during filming. Fortunately he survived, but Stephens continued to struggle with alcohol, his temper, and his mental health. And it started to impact Smith directly.

"After that it was just hopeless. We had two little boys. He didn't understand. I sure as hell didn't understand. It got worse and then it went on getting worse and worse. In the end it was destroying everybody. And he was having so many affairs," she reflected.

After trying with their marriage and Stephens seeking medical advice, things continued to worsen.

"I remember when he was diagnosed as hyper-manic asking what it meant and the doctor saying violent mood swings and indiscriminate sexual activity. And I thought 'that about covers it really'."

By 1973, Smith decided she needed to leave the marriage and take her boys. 

"I said 'It can't go on' and he said 'No, it can't.' Honestly, I don't think I could have mattered less to him by then. But by then, nothing mattered to him."

From that point on for many years, Smith never heard from Stephens nor did he try to contact his sons. Although the marriage had been tumultuous, she told The Guardian that she "never stopped loving" Stephens. 

"I don't see how you can, really. I have two wonderful sons and he is the reason for that."

By 1995, Stephens had died from alcohol-related disease. Before his death, Smith and Stephens were on better terms. 

Soon after her divorce from Stephens, an old flame returned to Smith's life. It was Beverley Cross. By 1975, the pair were married, with Cross helping Smith raise her two sons, saying he was a "lovely man".

For the next 23 years, the pair lived happily together, Cross becoming an honorary father to Smith's sons, and the pair building up one another as their careers excelled. 

Then in 1998, Cross passed away from heart disease. Smith has lived alone ever since. 

"I still miss him so much it's ridiculous. People say it gets better but it doesn't. It just gets different, that's all. Even in my dreams I keep saying to him, 'You are dead. You can't be here'."

As she said to CBS News: "I don't know. It seems a bit pointless. Going on one's own and not having someone to share it with."

When asked if she ever felt like re-marrying or dating again, she said: "Absolutely not. I don't think I would find anybody who could come anywhere near Bev."

Maggie Smith and Beverley Cross. Image: Getty. 

"It's awful, but what do you do? After the busyness, you are more alone, much more. A day that is absolutely crowded keeps your mind away from why you are alone, but when it stops, that is the deafening silence."

In 2008, Smith was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 73. 

She underwent chemotherapy and had to "stagger through" filming the final Harry Potter film, saying it left her feeling "so flattened". Fortunately, she got the all-clear from doctors, and has remained in good health since. 

As for how Smith has coped with all that happened, she said that laughter has always been her answer.

"I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything."

Most recently, she has gone back to theatre and films she's passionate about, telling ES Magazine: "I am deeply grateful for the work in Potter and indeed Downton but it wasn't what you'd call satisfying. I didn't really feel I was acting in those things."

In the years since both of these projects, Smith has spoken about her complicated feelings towards the respective film franchise and TV show, saying they weren't her favourite endeavours.

From 2010 to 2015, Smith was starring in Downton Abbey - and it undoubtedly pushed her celebrity status up a level - much to her annoyance. 

"I led a perfectly normal life until Downton Abbey. I'm not kidding. I'd go to theatres, I'd go to galleries, things like that on my own. And now I can't and that's awful," she said to the British Film Institute. 

Even when the show finished, Smith confirmed that she had never watched Downton Abbey.

At 87, Smith said she still loves acting, as well as spending time with her five grandchildren. And although her roles are all now of "a woman who is 93", Smith said she loves it.

Maggie Smith and her close friend Judi Dench. Image: Getty. 

"I've been playing old parts forever. I think it's a great burden if you're one of those fantastic stars who've always been beautiful, then I think it's hard. I truly think if I went to Los Angeles, for example, I think I'd frighten people... They don't see older people," she joked to Vanity Fair. 

"When you're getting into the granny era, you're lucky to get anything."

With plenty of awards to her name - multiple BAFTAs, two Oscars, many Golden Globes and Emmy Awards, along with a Tony Award - Smith has excelled in her career. 

But during her time in the spotlight, she's always said that fame was never her main goal. It was simply to act, and make lifelong connections along the way.

And she did exactly that with Judi Dench. The pair both met in the early years of their time in theatre, and bonded quickly.

"Judi’s the most tremendous friend. She's been a huge support and hugely loyal. That’s the point [of winning awards and doing well in your career] - it's for the other people who have helped and got you where you are, it's not really you," Smith said.

As Dench said about Smith: "It's a very good thing knowing each other so well. You don't have to work on a process of acting with somebody who you know well. As Mag said, we have a shorthand, which is jolly useful. We were just a couple of actresses lucky enough to get acting jobs, sharing a dressing room - it was the beginning of a friendship."

Feature Image: Getty.

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