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The Twins recap Married at First Sight: Oh. So there's a whole... other cheating scandal.

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HUSH NOW IT'S THE REUNION DINNER PARTY. Which is apparently different to the final dinner party. Which was last week.

But we digress. 

Have a gander at the trailer for tonight's chaotic episode of MAFS. Post continues after video. 


Video via Nine. 

It's been two months since the couples left the experiment, and everyone is back to fight (with Bryce) one last time. 

And hey just a quick question.

Why does Russel always get this edit?

... sweetie

Patrick and Belinda tell us they're still together and yes they're dressing matching and someone has to tell Belinda you don't have to do that when you're in a relationship. 

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Unsurprisingly, Jake and Beck have broken up.

Beck explains that Jake moved to Perth and she had a lot going on. Like her dog (who doesn't exist) being in hospital and her being at his bedside, bringing flowers everyday etc. 

Anyway, while she was tending to her fake dog, Jake allegedly CHEATED on her with ANOTHER BRIDE AND HOLY GOODNESS TELL US MORE. 

So I kissed someone else.

Meanwhile, Georgia tells us that since the experiment Liam blocked her on everything, and honestly good move Liam because Jill is fckn coming for you.

Oh.

Oh no. It's Alana.

And she tells us that two weeks after their final vows, Jason broke up with her via text. 

This is why we don't change our mind when we're in the middle of a breakup. 

But Coco's here and she has something to say.

She fell into "dicksand". Belonging to... Cam.

It's like quick sand. But about a man's. Penis.

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"He hit it and quit it."

"He had his bowl of Coco Pops for breakfast," and we love this woman unconditionally do you understand.

UGGGGGGHHHHHH.

It's Melissa and Bryce. And they're bragging about their relationship which ruined literally everyone's lives.

Bryce tells us he's moved to Melbourne. To properly abandon his other family. Particularly his (other) current girlfriend. So she doesn't knock on his door. In the middle of the night. And ask what the f**k. Justifiably.

HUSH NOW THO.

Booka. Has. The. Goss.

And yes she knows about Bryce's secret girlfriend.

How do we put this...

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But everyone...

already knows. 

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We don't know how to tell you this Booka, but you need to be bringing receipts. In a manila folder. 

IT'S TIME now for the very last, finale, reunion, final dinner party.

When Russell walks in, Samantha says "I thought you were a waiter" and so true.

Everyone tries to work out who is and isn't still together, and everything is civil until Liam walks in.

Georgia stands up to greet him, and while he kisses everyone else on the cheek, he looks through Georgia as though she is invisible.

And Mel Schilling has lost it.

She cannot calm down.

This is immature and unacceptable and producers have to restrain Mel who is desperately fighting to break out of her cupboard. 

"This is so shocking and unexpected."

Jason on the other hand doesn't want to "attack Alana" when she walks in and, mate. You didn't text HER back. Why would you be attacking her at all??

Jake is explaining to the other contestants how when he moved to Perth, he only saw Beck twice in 20 days. Which according to our calculations, leaves 18 days for kissing other gewls. 

That's when Beck arrives, and yeah, in case you were wondering, you can see her vulva

Expert Mel does some psychoanalysis on Beck's dress and, lady. Her husband kissed another woman, so she's wearing a hot dress it's not that complicated??

"The slit represents a broken heart..."

But not even Beck's vulva stops the room like Bryce and Melissa's entrance.

Coco explains to the camera that it's "so frosty" she "needed mittens" and someone give this woman a book deal.

Bryce politely says: "Sam, how are ya?"

And Sam says: "Gonzo".

In reference to Bryce's nose.

So. That's where we're at.

And we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

BUT DINNER IS F*KN SERVED. 

The experts seem to be unsure if Cam is showing up at all and it's like... why don't you know who's coming?

You need to ask people to RSVP. For catering purposes. 

Jo is working hard to understand why Liam didn't greet Georgia when he walked in, and her commitment to the gossip is honestly incomparable.

"Remember me? We've never met."

Alana tells her friends how Jason broke up with her via text, and Jason, who is sitting right there, would like it on the record that he did not.

Because they were never together. And how can literally none of you agree on what went down in your own relationships?? It was like a month ago?

Patrick is getting very excited for someone to start s**t with Bryce... but suddenly, Cam walks in.

Unacceptable. 

We're legitimately overwhelmed.

We still need to address:

- Bryce's secret girlfriend

- Jake cheating on Beck with someone at the table

- Cam ghosting multiple women

And we're hyperventilating. 

Sam decides to confront Cam about being mean about him behind his back and Cam is all "I just came here to enjoy a pork belly" and it's like... why.

Sam repeatedly calls him a "flog" which confuses Alessandra.

"I HAVE FEELINGS."

Mel has to translate for her but honestly, she doesn't have time for Alessandra's interruptions.

KEEP UP ALESSANDRA. THE MAN IS A FLOG. 

Samantha decides to bring up the time Cam ghosted Coco - and in case he didn't hear her she spells it out.

"G.O.H.T. GHOSTED."

Girl wot. 

Jason shakes his head muttering "what is wrong with people" and Jason. 

That's literally the whole premise of this show. Exploring that question. 

Alana then shouts that Coco was hanging out with Cam while they were both still married and in Cam's defence, this is why he was late.

To avoid... this. 

They tried to entice him with the pork belly. But it wasn't worth it.

"Let a man enjoy his meal??"

Samantha continues to yell and those poor waiters. 

Someone then turns the conversation on to Melissa and Bryce and Melissa reveals that she spoke to Bryce's secret girlfriend bleep directly.

"This is legit quite sad."

That's when Booka pipes up and says she heard from a work friend (??) that Bryce told his secret girlfriend to speak to Melissa and say they're not together anymore, so she doesn't look like the 'other woman'. 

But Melissa is MAD. That people keep shouting TRUE THINGS for NO REASON. 

"It's very rude."

Everyone wants to know what the secret girlfriend said to Melissa, but she's having none of it.

In the background you can hear Jo's faint voice cry, "But I want to know". 

Same, Jo. Same.

Melissa decides to deflect, asking Beck and Jake why their relationship ended (har har).

"I think it starts with a kiss, Jake," Beck says, with her vulva exposed.

"With Booka."

HE WHAT NOW. 

On New Year's Eve, Jake kissed Booka on the lips. But as friends. But on the lips. And Beth filmed it.

And put it on Instagram. 

OK. Why?

Jake says that Beck was ignoring him (in his defence, she was at the hospital with her fictional dog) and that's why he kissed Booka. 

Bryce is very pleased with himself.

That's not how it... works.

To round out the night, Sam tries to hit on Alana but she honestly can't be f**ked. 

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

For more gossip and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on InstagramFacebook and Twitter. 

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In case you missed our previous recaps...

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 30: The vows that go horribly, horribly wrong.

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 29: How did Australia just let that happen?

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 28: The phone call that confirms everything.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 27: The 'evidence' that destroys Melissa.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 26: Bryce's secret girlfriend was just... confirmed. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 25: The couple who will never have any friends. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 24: We just learned what Bryce says behind his wife's back.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 23: 'Mate. That was disgusting.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 22: No one can stop yelling at Bryce.

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 21: The most embarrassing decision we've ever seen.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 20: The man who single-handedly "ruined" a marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 19: Booka just learned how much her husband dislikes her.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 18: When you break up in front of your parents.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 17: The most tone-deaf groom in MAFS history.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 16: Bryce 100%, without a doubt, has a secret girlfriend.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 15: The wife who can't stop insulting her 'grotty' husband.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 14: When your wife ruins a stranger's wedding.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The most embarrassing thing we've ever seen.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: "I hope everyone in Australia hates your guts."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: We're kind of... into this cheating scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: You can't just force people to have sex.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 9. When you're a d**k to your wife on national television.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 8: The beginning of a dirty cheatin' scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 7: How was any of that... allowed.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 6: John Aiken just changed the rules.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 5: When you see your match and can't stop crying.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 4: A bride just realised she had a one night stand.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 3: Precisely no girl wants to be told she's 'not ugly'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 2: Coco's husband would like to be brutally honest.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 1: You can't just comment on someone's... teeth.

Feature Image: Nine.