Is there anything more shocking than an “old” pair of breasts?
When a topless photo shoot is a rite of passage for every actress, popstar and reality TV contestant, the bare breast of a celebrity barely raises an eyebrow.
Unless that breast is over 40. Then, the world sets its hair on fire.
And at over 50, a nipple still has the power to shock. In a big, bad way.
Madonna has been using her body to shock you for more than three decades. She first posed topless for a photographer in 1979. And now she’s done it again, in a shoot for Interview Magazine.
We’ve seen Madge’s boobs so many times they feel like old friends. They were fabulous when she was 21 and they are fabulous now she’s 56.
Here they are, today:
But, while it may have been hot and steamy and garnered boundless positive attention in the past, it is no longer okay for Madonna to reveal her breasts.
It is not okay to pose semi-nude when you are over 40.
You will be taken down. You will be ridiculed for it. The Internet will post pictures like this on Twitter to taunt you about your supposedly saggy breasts.
People will be unsettled, they will tell you that you are “Mutton dressed as lamb”, they will tell you that no-one wants to see this any more, and that you should grow up and put them away. Other women, like singer Annie Lennox, will call you attention-seeking on morning television. Basically, you will have succeeded in shocking but not for the reasons you might have hoped.
There is an argument here for the fact that it must be exhausting to still be trading on your looks and your sexuality when you’re well and truly in your second act. There’s an argument here for the fact that the only reason that Madonna’s breasts still get a run in any magazine is because they look like they belong to a woman half her age.
And there’s an argument here for the fact that these images have been Photoshopped to within a pixel of their very existence, so who really knows what a 56-year-old’s woman’s breasts look like, anyway.
None of that is what’s going on.
Madonna’s breasts through the ages (certainly NSFW). Post continues after gallery.