Madonna stopped her Sydney show to slam those meltdown rumours.

She really does continue to find ways to surprise us, doesn’t she?

Following a controversial show in Brisbane, which had fans storming out before she even got on stage, Madonna has hit back at critics in last night’s concert in Sydney.

Performing to 14,000 fans in the second last show of the tour, Madonna certainly used her break in between songs to, uhh – set the record straight.

“I don’t drink,” she told the crowd. “So f*ck you…you’re not going to shut my sh*t down. You’re just jealous because I’m not an alcoholic.”

Oh, yes. Jealous because she’s not an alcoholic. That seems reasonable.

Unfortunately, Madonna didn’t quite end her rant speech there, after throwing a bouquet of flowers into the crowd.

“I can’t marry four people. I’ve not converted to Islam yet.”

Sorry, what? Who ever said anything about Islam? I’m hoping everyone’s just as confused as I am.

Throughout the performance, she also spoke about the continuing battle for custody of her son Rocco, with her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie.


“I don’t want to be accused of having meltdown,” she said very sarcastically. “Heaven forbid a mother should miss her son. It’s a crime. It’s a goddamn sin. I’m glad you have a sense of humour, because if I didn’t have one I couldn’t survive,” the performer told her fans.

You can watch the footage here:

During one of her rather well-choreographed routines, Madonna joked with a female dancer about her age.

“How old are you? 15 or 16?”

As the dancer was bent over Madonna’s knee the girl replied, “14”.

“Good. I’m doin’ good with minor these days,” said Madonna, after she then went onto spank a few of the other dancers.

Here’s the awkward moment:

Fortunately, most of the rather confusing, non-meltdown speeches end there. However, Madonna has never been a one-trick pony kind of gal, so that’s when she welcomed a star from Game of Thrones onto the stage.

Brienne of Tarth – otherwise known as Gwendoline Christie – made a special guest appearance and was presented with a “rhinestone encrusted banana flask”.

Here’s how it all went down…:

We’re still trying to work out what a bedazzled banana flask could be useful for.

Despite all of Madonna’s particularly confusing rants, last night’s show received incredible reviews.

The Daily Telegraph wrote, “…the precision and creativity of this musical and visional feast for all the senses is all Madonna.

“Vibrant and imaginative costuming is more dazzling than a Paris Fashion Week catwalk.”

Madonna still has one last show left in the tour. We shall be eagerly waiting what may come from that.

Speaking of celebrities, we asked these ones what their secret talents were. We’re wondering if Madonna has any (apart from spectacular dancing, singing and all that jazz).

00:00 / ???