parents

Madonna and Guy Ritchie need to grow up – neither should be denied access to their child.

Every human being, regardless of their gender, really needs to put more thought into how they would handle joint custody before they rock the bed and make a child.

Bitter breakups and furious divorces are a fact of life but no child should become a pawn in that selfish game and access should never be denied.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie both need to put down their monstrous egos and stop point scoring before they do any more damage.

Claiming her 15-year-old son Rocco has been illegally retained by his father, Madge has launched a case at the family division of the High Court under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. She’s also launched a case at the Family Court in New York.

Mr Justice MacDonald has been vocal with criticism saying, ‘An amicable negotiated resolution is evidently the way forward and in Rocco’s best interest.’ How can the bitter exes not see this? No child needs to experience their parents at war in court – in two countries.

Images via Facebook/@Madonna & Instagram/@guyritchie

I have friends who find it effortless to cooperate and play nice with their ex for the sake of their kids.

Pick-ups, drop offs and exchanges of their young creations run smoothly and drama free. They are the lucky ones; for others it is excruciatingly hard no matter how many years pass. Resentment is a stubborn beast, loathing loves to linger and it’s agonisingly difficult to watch their kids disappear into the arms of a partner who has wronged them and trampled on promises.

Unfortunately, those are tears that must fall and resentment that must be silently swallowed because the damage not seeing a parent does to a child can be immense.

My father left when I was three. Deep down I know I was too young to have caused him to bolt but the insecurity that crawled underneath my skin when he walked away will live there forever. Time doesn’t heal all wounds; some wrongs shape your core beliefs about yourself. When my father chose to walk away, he left me with deep-rooted abandonment issues.

madonna and guy ritchie custody battle
Image via iStock

He came to visit once when I was five and that’s the last time I ever saw him. I hoped for birthday cards that never came and daydreamed of him knocking on the door to swoop me up in his arms and tell me how much he loved me but at 41, that day has never arrived.

Milestones of life when I wished he’d be proud ticked by unnoticed and each twisted a knife of rejection deeper into my heart. I have always felt un-lovable and all the reassurances, friends and achievements in the world can’t change the fact that the man who created me chose to abandon me.

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It fueled my ambition until I realised the achievement I was really striving for didn’t come with a contract, pay rise or promotion.

I should have let go, put it in a box, moved on, talked it out of my head but it haunts me.

It’s the reason I never had the confidence to have my own children and now, after a major operation last year, motherhood’s not my destiny. I have no problem falling in love, I have no problem getting married but I couldn’t take that step to have a child with someone.

If a marriage fails, as an adult, it’s your responsibility to pick up the pieces of your broken dreams and piece your life back together. I’ve done that.

madonna and guy ritchie custody battle
Image via iStock

But knowing the life-longing sting caused by being rejected by your father, how could I ever take that chance?

Much as you love someone, there is no guarantee marriage is forever and there are no boundaries around what that separation might do to your partner if all that glitters fades. Hatred swiftly moves in when love has moved out and hatred is entirely unpredictable. Personalities shift and you see sides of character you never knew existed. When the rose-tinted specs were on and lust was raging neither Madge nor Guy predicted how cruelly they would treat their child.

You get one chance to instill confidence into a child you’ve created and ensure you take that responsibility as seriously as you should. I have no interest in seeing my father now. The time for apologies and explanations has gone, self-assurance can’t be back-dated and there’s no excuse for not showing up.

Every child needs to see both parents if they possibly can. Even if your partner has reached into your chest and ripped out your heart, you have to put that aside for the sake of your kids.

You are nurturing confidence, creating a steady future every time you wave them goodbye and guaranteeing they don’t have a gaping hole of doubt and wonder. No matter how much you hate them, you must try to find a peaceful solution – and not file lawsuits around the world.

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