parents

"Watching too much TV will give you square eyes" + 18 other lies our parents fed us.

Damn it, parents!

By BERN MORLEY

We’ve all been lied to by our parents at one time or another. Usually these ‘white lies’ were being fed to us for the greater good, to deter us and/or protect us against some kind of resident evil. Like Watermelon seeds or tapeworms.

And I’m not talking about the big three here. No. Santa, the Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy weren’t so much lies, as childhood fantasy enhancers, which were used to benefit kids, not scar them for life.

Like these ones did.

1. If you swallow bubblegum, you’ll fart bubbles.

2. If you make a funny face, the wind will change and you’ll stay like that.

3. Eat your crusts or your hair won’t go curly. (Why and how was this ever a threat?)

4. When the ice-cream truck plays music, that means it’s all out of ice-cream.

5. If you suck your thumb, it’ll fall off.

6. If you eat your boogers, you’ll get worms.

7. If you pee in the pool, the water will turn red.

8. Stop picking your nose or your head will cave in.

9. If you play with it your doodle, you’ll go blind. (Clearly untrue otherwise the entire male population would be vision impaired.)

10. If you don’t come with me right now, I’m going to leave you here.

11. The dead animals on the side of the road are ‘just having a nap’.

And we believed him…

12. The dog will tell me if you’re bad (because apparently dogs can talk).

13. Don’t put money in your mouth, someone could have had it up their bum. (See what I mean about scarred for life?)

14. Your fish went to live with his friends in the ocean.

15. If you smoke cigarettes, the police will find you and arrest you.

16. Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis.

17. Watching too much TV will give you square eyes.

18. If you lie you’ll get a pimple on your tongue. (If this were true, my mother would have had mouth acne.)

19. You can’t swim for an hour after you’ve eaten, you’ll get a cramp and you’ll sink. (“And you will die” was never said but it was implied.)

We too, as parents continue the ‘white lie’ legacy however, with the invention of Google and kids being far more street smart, it won’t be long until we are busted.

What lies did your parents tell you as a kid?

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