I never saw myself becoming Mamamia’s Love Island correspondent, but as Oprah says, everything happens for a reason and the universe has a plan for me.
I’m not one to ask questions. I am one to call out d*ckheads who gaslight perfectly lovely women on national television, however.
The d*ckhead in question is Grant. This guy:
So, for those who cherish their brain cells and dignity and therefore don't watch the reality TV dramafest, here's what you've missed in five dot points.
- Grant coupled up with Cassidy (the blonde one) in the first episode.
- They have been attached to each other's faces ever since.
- Oh - OH - they also "fooled around" one night. I won't pretend to know what that means but let's say... second base. At least. Look, they've "done stuff". Analyse that however you wish. I don't even know what 'second base' really means.
- Grant constantly tells Cassidy he's madly, wildly into her at regular intervals.
- EXCEPT in the moments that Grant has been secretly hitting on another Islander, Tayla (the brunette one).
Ahem. And here we are.
In Tuesday night's episode - episode three - it became apparent that not only is Grant a royal douchecanoe, he's a serial gaslighter who belongs in a Spanish toilet.
In one day, he made two women cry. And that's just not a women-to-tears ratio I can stand by.
When with Tayla, Grant said: 'I wish I could just jump into bed with you... If I wanted to sleep with you, would we need to sleep out here?'
Other notable comments included, but were not limited to "I want to kiss you so bad" and "you look so hot".
You know, just platonic friends stuff.
Seeing Grant continually walk off with another woman and stare longingly into her eyes obviously made poor mate Cassidy feel rather crap.
"He's playing me and I can't help it," she said through tears. "I really like him and I don't get why he's constantly seeking her out. He's had two one on ones with her today and he's had none with me."
When Cassidy confronted Grant about the feeling she had in her gut - that he was a flagrant douchecanoe - he assured her there was nothing to worry about. When, you know, there was about 10,458 things to worry about.
"There's nothing going on," Grant The Douchecanoe insisted. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation. I'm having a chat to everyone."
Ah, yes. Now he's not only an emotional cheater, but a gaslighter. Every woman's favourite.
Unlucky for Grant, women are great at two things: 1. Talking. 2. Swapping notes.
And that "I want to kiss you so bad" comment? Ha! Yeah. That made it's way back to Cassidy.
"I have not said that at all," Grant said, which was trés wise considering he had 15 cameras on him at the time he definitely said it.
"I've said that I'm happy being with you. I said to her that I'm happy with you, I don't know where she's getting that from. It's annoying me."
SOMEHOW - after admitting that, okay, yes, he said that he wanted to kiss Tayla - Grant made himself seem like some sort of defenceless puppy, explaining: "I didn't plan on ever doing it... maybe I said it to keep the peace."
We don't know if Cassidy disposes of Grant yet (hopefully she does, and hopefully it involves a nearby toilet), apparently that'll have to wait until tomorrow's episode.
But congratulations, Australia. Your newest douchecanoe gaslighter has been crowned.