Excuse us, but all the bikinis on Love Island are making us glad it's winter.

Yes, well.

Something a lil’ odd is happening on our TV screens right now.

Sophie Monk has popped some of the country’s most beautiful/most dense people in a sex villa on an island far, far away from here for a show called Love Island.

And in said sex villa the women dress exclusively in bikinis.

In… bikinis.


They’re in their bikinis while they’re cooking, while they’re eating, while they’re floating around on giant flamingos which they call pelicans ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

They even wear bikinis while they talk about their feelings with their boyfriend of three days… and when they cry to their friends of three days about said boyfriend of three days.

And they’re doing all this on our TV screens while we’re sitting on our lounges wearing tracksuit pants and holey t-shirts with three-day-old baked bean stains on them.

love island australia 2018 cast

I haven't shaved my legs in two months.

I can't remember the last time I shaved my armpits.

Yesterday I took off my bra and a whole packet of BBQ Shapes fell out.



My wardrobe consists exclusively of ugg boots and warm layers.

And these ridiculously attractive people are running around a villa in... bikinis.

How do they have so many bikinis?

How are they so hairless?

Do they ever get cold?

How come they don't have pubes down to their knees?

Where do they even keep their BBQ shapes?

It's... it's... mind boggling.