Five hilarious moments from Dave Hughes’ Logies monologue, and how he started a TV network war.

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For everything on the Logies 2018, the Logies red carpet, your 2018 TV Logie awards winners and all the 2018 TV Week Logies behind-the-scenes goss, visit our Logies 2018 homepage.

There are always two things you can be sure will happen every Logies night.

At least one person will stack it on the red carpet… and Dave Hughes is bound to say something hilariously awkward during his opening monologue.

This year was no exception.

Here’s five of his most thigh-slappingly, cringe-worthy, tear-inducing moments:

1. When he roasted Channel Seven about spending all their money on Barnaby Joyce.

This was a double-banger.

Hughesy began his monologue with a good ole’ roast of Channel Nine’s lifelong rival Channel Seven.

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“Apart from Home and Away, their whole entourage came here in a maxi taxi,” he said. 

“They said it was too expensive. Too expensive to get to the Gold Coast? I used to bloody holiday here when I was on the dole. Too expensive? Kochie… borrow money off the cash cow, mate.” 

The comedian then said the network must have spent all their money on that infamous Sunday Night interview with Barnaby Joyce.

“It’s because they gave all their money to Barnaby Joyce’s baby. He gets $150,000 for his private education, Sam Armytage can’t come to the Logies.”

He then dropped this banger…

“My favourite moment was when he was changing the nappy and Vicki, his partner, said he is surprisingly good at it. Is he Vicki? He’s got four other kids.” 

2. When he said what everyone was thinking about Married At First Sight.

Hughesy then turned his attention to Australia’s reality TV contestants. Who, erm, made up most of the official guest list ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

“The amount of outrage about Davina cheating on her husband? They weren’t married. Seriously. Unbelievable,” he began. 

“Moral outrage should have gone to the bloody experts who put them together. They are not having a good run, guys. I wouldn’t trust you guys to pair my socks.” 

“It’s not easy finding love on TV. Is it? We found out bloody today, we had what’s his name, what’s her name broke up?” he continued.

I was angry. Sam and Tara broke up. That’s coming off the back of Sophie Monk breaking up with a married guy. That’s heartbreaking… he might go back to his wife and kids.” 

3. When he, erm, introduced the Australian public to Andrew Winter.

Next Hughesy zoned in on Andrew Winter, the host of Selling Houses Australia, who has been nominated for the Gold Logie.

“Where is Andrew Winter? I give it up for Andrew. There he is. Great to put a face to the name,” he said as the crowd erupted into laughter. 

“I’m not going to lie Andrew. When I saw your name on the list I said, ‘Who the hell is that’. But I have seen your show. And it is a very good show.” 

4. When he roasted himself about buying that house from The Block.

Last year Hughesy bought a house from The Block… without telling his wife.

“None of you people have invested as much in Australian TV as I have,” he began. 

“My wife did not know about it. She wasn’t that happy about it. When I told her she said ‘Don’t tell anyone’. It’s a bit late for that. It’s been televised.” 

The veteran comedian then explained it took so long to find a tenant for the $3 million house, he would have been happy to have it turned into a meth house.

“Renting it out was stressful, the real estate agent rang me and said ‘We have someone to move in. I said great. He said, ‘They have a dog, they want to put in a doggie door’. I said, ‘They can put in a meth lab in they want to’. If the Bandidos want to move in, I don’t care. I have some yields. It’s all about the yields.” 

5. When Hamish and Andy had to apologise for his, erm, Don Burke moment.

This was… awkward.

While addressing Gold Logie nominee Tracy Grimshaw, Hughesy brought up her controversial interview with Don Burke.

“And also her Don Burke interview has been nominated as well. That was amazing. We have a lot of revelations from that. We got the revelation that Don apparently has Aspergers. No one knew about that… including his doctor.” 

He then did a very Hughesy thing and said, “No, I love Don Burke”, before correcting himself and adding, “don’t love everything about him. Alright?” 

Later, when Hamish and Andy came on stage to present an award, they, erm, apologised for the comedian.

“We did just have a chat to Hughesy out the back. He would like us to clear up one little detail… he does not love Don Burke.

“In fact, I don’t know if we have got any of the cricket instant replay here. But I think he said it four times. The old ‘I’m Hughesy and I will say I love the person I’m having a go at’, it has never backfired before and it did in that instance.” 

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