kids

'My toddler is the worst kind of dictator.'

Ahhh toddlerhood. My husband and I are right in the thick of it with our about-to-turn-two year old. His behavior has changed rapidly over the last six months. Some good, some bad. I can’t help wonder (actually, pray!) that when it comes to the bad he’s just hit the ‘terrible two’s’ early and it’ll all be over soon. I’m dreaming, right?

Life with our little man is brilliant. He makes our hearts explode. He and his sister make our world go round. He makes us laugh. He makes us (mainly me) cry. And he also makes me tear my hair out on the regular. He’s definitely become the little dictator of our household.

He decides what time we get out of bed.

The days of having to set an alarm are long gone. He wakes up anywhere from 5 to 6.30am. Now, I don’t mind waking up early. I did it for years before kids to do exercise. But the difference between getting up to get some endorphins flowing and being woken up forcefully by a screaming toddler is huge.

He dictates what time we go to bed.

He's fast asleep at 7pm, he's a legend like that. But there's not much 'adult time' - we have to hit the hay early to have enough energy to deal with him the next day. Cue the nanna naps and 9pm bedtime (at the latest).

Looking after demanding toddlers can be exhausting. What do you do once the kids go to bed? Post continues after video.

He hogs all the snacks

Both my husband and I have a bit of a chocolate habit. Okay, a LOT of a chocolate habit. I feel like the amount of chocolate we eat is proportionate to the amount of tantrums we’ve had to endure that day. But no chocolate can be consumed when the toddler is around. Because he also loves it. We give him a tiny bit from time to time, but he’d eat the whole block if we let him. Cue eating in secret, stashing chocolate in the bedroom drawers and nighttime binges!

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The layout and style of our house

Bye bye nice vases and frames. Hello safety proofing and no nice things below four feet high.

What we wear

I have ‘home clothes’ that are permanently stained with all manner of sticky god-knows-what. And white is currently not an option either in or out of the house. It just ends up stained within five minutes.

When we can and can’t go out for food

We’re big fans of having breakfast out. Actually, we WERE big fans of it. Now, there is a small window in which said toddler will allow us to actually enjoy it. Even if we get the timing right, it’s short-lived and behavior dependent. We really shouldn’t bother…how dare we want some semblance of an adult life.

You might say we don’t have a handle on our toddler’s behavior. And if you’re thinking that, you probably don’t have one. Or if you do, the sun shines out of their you know what and they can do no wrong. If your life is perfect with a toddler, don’t you worry – things will change like the wind sure enough and you’ll be experiencing one or more of the above.

And if you’re entering ‘toddlerhood’ with your little one, beware for complete upheaval – it’s all about them, and they’ll make damn sure you know it. Enjoy the ride!