real life

Three good things and one bad thing about living alone.

Guys, I live ALONE.

When I walk in the door at night, I don’t have to ask anyone how their day was. I just whip off my bra, say hello to my dog, and do whatever the f**k I want.

I LOVE living alone. I’ve lived on my own several times in my life and nothing beats it.

Sure, I live in a mould infested shitbox apartment that still smells like the previous tenant – but that mould infested shitbox apartment is all mine.

I think everyone should live alone at least once in their lives. Living alone teaches you how to be self-sufficient, you learn how to watch horror movies on your own without screaming like a five-year-old, and you figure out just how lax you’re prepared to be with your own personal hygiene.

living alone good things
"It must be hard living alone." No Linda from HR, it's not. Image via Comedy Central.

For anyone thinking about taking the plunge into solo living, here's the three best things about living alone, and well, the one really shitty thing:

  • You NEVER have to wait for the bathroom.

Or the microwave. Or the TV. You never have to wait for anything. EVERYTHING is up for grabs all of the time.

You do actually have to pay for that microwave and that TV and all the food and the electricity and the internet. Oh, and the rent/mortgage.

You're single-handedly responsible for keeping that shitty apartment afloat - but it's worth it.

  • Bras are ALWAYS optional.

There's no need for fancy clothes like bras and undies when you live alone. You never have to change out of your giraffe onsie because your flatmate's boyfriend, Brian, is coming over (FFS, Brian).

Allowing your hair to become a greasy mound which develops it's ecosystem is fine. It's FINE.

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  • You can do your weird secret s**t all the time.

living alone good things
Image via HBO.

You know all that weird 'secret single stuff' you do whenever you have the house to yourself? You can do that shit 24/7.

You can shave your legs in front of the telly whenever you want, it's quite normal to make up dance routines to Mariah Carey songs on your own, and don't you ever let anyone tell you that one woman shadow puppet shows aren't highly entertaining and a very good use of your entire Sunday afternoon.

I’m single and lonely and can’t admit it. Post continues...

  • You MIGHT die alone and no one will find you for days.

OK, here's the one bad thing. Prepare yourselves...

It's extremely likely that you will die in your sleep and no one will find you for days. Or you'll be half-eaten by Alsatians (or in my case, one small Jack Russell Terrier).

via GIPHY

It's quite possible that you'll slip on the milk you dropped on the kitchen floor last week, and you'll have to lie on the ground for days calling out for help, but Doris from next door won't help you because you stole her mail that one time.

And you'll definitely fall over in the shower after one too many "sneaky shower bevvies" and have to lie there, spread-eagled, wishing you had had that bikini wax five years ago, while you wait for the emergency services to arrive.

And look, it's highly likely that you'll choke on your dinner for one - while laughing at something funny you said earlier that day at work - and no one will be there to clumsily administer the Heimlich maneuver.

But honestly, guys - it's WORTH it.

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