kids

"I'm calling you out mum." The 10 lies we were all told as children.

If you're a parent and you've ever lied to your child for the betterment of your mental capacity (or just for the fun of it), then I don't blame you.

But upon reflection, some of those lies were pretty darn harsh. 

So mum and dad, I'm calling you out. Not for dropping me on my head when I was a tender infant or anything ridiculous like that, because you guys are amazing (and besides, the scar isn't that noticeable anyway).

But for making me believe in some really stupid lies that still haunt me to this day.

Watch: Be a good mum. Post continues after video. 


Video via Mamamia. 

Here are the 10 lies we (but it could just be me) were all told as children. 

1. "There's food at home."

No, there isn't. Uncooked rice, soy sauce and ketchup in the cupboard is not a meal and my seven-year-old mouth will simply not be able to swallow it down.

Just get me a six pack of chicken nuggies, please. With a Fanta and hot chips instead of the apples, preferably. I beg of you. 

2. "Yes, you can go to the park later."

I've said this lie myself, many times. It is a tried and tested method to ensure disobedient kids buckle down and behave. Believe it or not, it works. Every single time. 

So I don't blame my parents for using this lie so often... I just wish they hadn't. 

3. "School is closed for the day!" 

Surely someone's well intentioned parent who couldn't be bothered to go to work or to take their kids to school have used this... Once or twice atleast? 

Mine did, about once a year, in the middle of a school week, when their definitely wasn't a day off to be had. Maybe my mum just needed a break, and I don't judge her for it. My only question is, why on earth would she want to take the day off... with four children? 

It's just mind-boggling, really. 

4. "Disney On Ice is cancelled because the skater fell through the ice."

Maybe I'm alone in this little white lie, but my mum sure did use it. And I sure did believe her when she announced the lovely skater playing 'Ariel' had to be taken to hospital after the ice at All Phones Arena hadn't actually been frozen properly. And sadly, all the kids would have to miss out, not just me. 

She came clean a few years later that she had actually forgotten to buy the tickets, and I didn't resent her or anything. Because in all honesty, my eyesight is quite poor (I hadn't worn glasses back then) and I'd had quite a bit of trouble watching Disney On Ice the first time 'round. 

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So no harm done, mum. Promise.

5. "Your friend is such a bad influence on you."

They were never a bad influence on me mum and dad. It was me. I was the bad influence. And you knew I was the bad influence the second I came home with a particularly vulgar t-shirt from the local Vinnies and told you I was going to make my friends wear it for the "lols".

The text on the shirt read: "The more hair I lose, the more head I get."

I'm so sorry. 

6. "I think those khaki pants look great on you."

This one still keeps me up at night. If anything though, I blame myself. Why on earth anyone would ever believe a chubby kid wearing 3/4 length khaki pants looks good, is the question we should all ponder on. 

Kids these days dress a billion times cooler than I ever will, but I do wonder if they'll have their own fashion regrets when they reach my tender, wise age of 23. 

The answer is obviously yes.

7. "No babe, you are a good netball player."

My participation award didn't mean I was a prodigy, nor did it reveal that I was all that good, and mum's encouragement wasn't exactly helpful despite her being a pro player herself.

But in the last year where I played, I received the most improved player. Didn't get an invitation to join the reps team for my club, but whatever.The one year out of my 10 years of playing where I got three awards in Netball: a participation, the most improved and the best encourager. All fluff awards for sure.  Image: Supplied. 

8. "They don't like you because they're jealous of you."

Maybe they were jealous, but it's unlikely that they thought there was a single thing to be envious of from the girl who got gum caught in her hair and was stuck with a very alternative haircut for the rest of the school year.

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9. "You look lovely with the bangs I cut for you."

Picture this: I'm 11. Bangs don't suit me but I've gotten gum in my hair and taken it upon myself to cut it out. 

My hair now has a hole at the top of my head and the only person who can fix this is not an experienced hairdresser, but my mother whose only qualifications do not at all pertain to cutting hair.

I was left with an unfortunate do for the remainder of the most important year of my life (the SIXTH grade, obviously!). 

Insert: terrible photo of myself where I truly believed I looked good, all because my mum told me I did. 

Terrible. I know. Image: Supplied. 

10. "I can't wait until you get your driver's license and can drive me around everywhere."

My mum actually sobbed when I asked if I could try out for my Learner's License. And again when I passed. And then one more time when I accidentally drove over a roundabout during particularly heavy traffic. Dad told me he had taught 15 of my cousins (I have 23 first cousins just on his side of the family) how to drive, and I was by far the worst he'd "ever seen". 

I never really learnt how to drive, and my mum never did get to be ridden around everywhere by me. AND she never actually wanted me to get my license in the first place. Thus, she lied.

Safe to say she still takes me to my doctor's appointments whenever I visit.

For more from Shannen, follow her on Instagram at @shannenfindlay.

Feature Image: Getty.

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