She forgave her husband but she’ll never forgive the other woman.
By: Alex Alexander for YourTango.com
Dear Ms. Homewrecker,
I know it may seem unfair of me to blame just you for my husband’s affair. After all, I realise it takes two and that both of you are at fault.
But after an angry separation, much soul searching, and a bittersweet reunion with my pre-pregnancy jeans, I decided to work on forgiving my husband.
When it comes to you, though, I’m unashamed to admit I find relief in hurling my anger like a giant fireball of hate (metaphorically speaking, of course) directly at your face.
It’s easier to work on forgiving him when I can still be mad at you, the other woman, the b*tch who slept with my husband. Here I was, doing my best to make it through life, balancing marriage, motherhood, and a career, and you swoop in, cozy up to my husband in the name of “friendship” and sleep with him.
You think it was magical. What you don’t realise is, what you two had together was not real life.
Real life is being woken up by a teething baby five times a night, going to work the next morning and pumping breast milk at your desk while eating your salad (which was packed at 5 a.m.), all the while making sure you meet your deadlines so you don’t lose your job. Real is clinging to each other for support when the doctor mentions the possibility of cancer or moving cross-country to support your husband’s dreams.
Married life isn’t glamorous. Don’t get me wrong, it can be fabulous, but it can also be pooping on the table during childbirth after 48-plus hours of labor without drugs, or peeling my partied-too-hard husband out of a puddle of his own vomit. It’s all fun and games until someone gets pooped or puked on. But I bet you didn’t get a whiff of that during your brief fling.
Marriage is also about the adventures only the two of us shared, like bringing new life into the world, or kissing by the Bridge of Sighs in Venice. And in ten-plus years of shared moments, two full-time careers, and raising a child together, it’s normal for some of those lovin’ feelings and passion to fade a little. It’s OK: That’s real, the ups and downs of a life shared that deepen your love for each other. You may believe he turned to you because I couldn’t provide the level of intimacy he needed. But you’re wrong. He turned to you because you’re easy. He told me as much in our last marriage counselling session.
I know you think he can’t be happy with me now or ever, but you’re wrong.
You were nothing but an illusion, a way for him to escape for a bit. But in the end he chose me. He asked for forgiveness and the opportunity to repair our marriage and be the man I exchanged vows with all those years ago. If he can be the man I married again, if he continues to show me love each day, and if he keeps working to regain my trust, I know we can do this.