It’s been quite sometime since I wrote you a letter. I think the last one was back in the late 1980s, and from memory you didn’t come through on the hoverboard and the virtual reality machine I asked for. To be fair, you did bring me my backup options of a Sega Mega Drive II and a pair of Reebok Pumps, so I must say a very belated thank you!
You may be wondering why all of a sudden you’re receiving a wish-list from little Mikey Hughes. Well I’m no longer little Mikey Hughes, Santa. I’m big Mick Hughes. And for what it’s worth, I feel that since I haven’t asked for much from you in the last 25 years, I’m due for a couple of wishes to come my way. And before you ask me, YES, I’ve been a very good boy this year. Go ask Mrs Hughes, all your little helpers, all your reindeers and Mrs Clause if you don’t believe me.
Before I go on any further I must congratulate you on the belated Christmas present you gave Mrs Hughes and I earlier this year. I completely understand that you couldn't deliver her on Christmas Day last year, and in fact the arrival of her one month later was simply perfect. And so has the last 10 months with our little bundle of joy. So thank you, thank you, thank you! Also have I mentioned that you look very handsome today?
Okay so now that I've buttered you up a little, it's time for business. As you'll see the list below is fairly exhaustive, but I honestly believe it isn't unreasonable. Now without any further ado, here are my wishes:
I wish that you can make Charlie stop kicking me in the balls.
I wish that you can make Charlie stop trying to eat all the Christmas tinsel and decorations.
I wish that you can make Charlie stop trying to play with the toilet brush.
I wish that you can make Charlie tell us where she put the Apple TV remote.
I wish that you can make Charlie less interested in our wine rack and the contents of it.
I wish that you can make Charlie more interested in the food that I make for her, and less interested about the food that I am having. (The same goes for water).
I wish that you can make Charlie understand the laws of gravity and physics.
I wish that you can make Charlie lay still on the change table for two minutes so that I can change her everyday without wrestling her into submission.
I wish the same for trying to get her to sit in her car seat, high chair and pram.
I wish that you can make Charlie understand that her bib is an essential part of eating meals.
I wish that Charlie's two top front teeth will come down in between her existing top two, so that she looks less like an vampire.