'I have finally learned that asking for help makes you a better parent.' 5 things that took me 2 kids to learn.

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? 

I really try not to live with regrets, but when it comes to raising my kids, there are many lessons I would love to have learned earlier. 

I tend to be one of those people who must suffer through difficulty to learn the lesson, but oh how I wish I hadn’t tried so hard to be ‘perfect’ and to manage everything myself for my first few years of motherhood. I also wish I had listened to the guidance of parents who had gone before, not on everything of course, but I could have saved myself a lot of time, energy, and heartache if I had just heeded some of this sage advice. 

So, below is my definitive list of the top five things that it took me having two children to learn. Some of it won’t apply to you, some you may not agree with, but I hope there are at least a couple of helpful tips here that reduce the obstacles on this big old parenting journey!  

1. Kids get sick *regularly*. Have your toolkit ready.

Wow, kids’ illness is wild, and seems to strike when you haven't scheduled it in, funnily. We’ve had many car-ride vomits, and days, weeks, months, years’ worth of runny noses, hay fever, congestion, sore throats and never-ending coughs. 

Friends of mine further along this parenting journey had recommended that I create a little illness and injury toolkit to have at the ready. 

Different to a family first aid kit, it’s focused on the things that are specific to my children, and the hurdles that seem to come up over and over again for them (looking at you, blocked noses). After many late night trips trying to find a 24-hour chemist, I finally instigated our own toolkit and now have a lovely organised box with vomit bags, a good quality thermometer, different types of kids' pain relief for fevers and headaches, essentials for when gastro hits, band aids, bandages, creams for all the bumps and scrapes that happen on the trampoline, and things most critical of all for my family of hay fever sufferers and runny nose havers.

Image: Supplied.

As soon as I see the wet glow of a snotty nose forming on one of the kids, I know just how much their sleep will be affected if we don't relieve that blocked nose.

FESS babies and children’s sprays are a useful option to have in the toolkit. FESS Children's and Little Noses Spray are a natural, preservative free way to help clean and clear little noses from congestion. The FESS Little Noses sprays are non-medicated and can be used as often as necessary – plus, they're gentle for all ages (even newborns). The saline solution loosens and thins that mucus to clear blocked noses, so much easier for feeding little ones, and easier to kids to get a restful sleep with a clearer nose. 

2. They do grow up quickly. Try to enjoy a part of every day with them.

I know we all roll our eyes when a random grandparent stops us in the supermarket and tells us to enjoy every precious moment with our children... and they've caught us on a day we want to scream (because they must have forgotten that every moment is definitely not precious).

But there are some, and there are some (at least one) every day. 

I am not going to suggest that we as parents try to enjoy every moment of every day, but I do think it’s important to enjoy *parts* of every day with my kids. Even though they may have been excruciatingly bickering with their sibling all morning, demanding snacks every five minutes and declaring for the neighbourhood to hear that they won’t be having a bath... each day I still always try to find at least a moment, hopefully more, to enjoy with my children.

Sometimes this looks like reading a favourite chapter book to my eldest before sleep (Matilda was the recent choice) and having a cuddle together. Sometimes this means going walking with my youngest to see the horses that live down the road and feeding apples to them. Sometimes it’s the whole family snuggling on the bed and tickling each other, delighting in wholesome family time for a while. 

In amongst the screaming and busyness and the intense demands they have of me, I try to sink into those special moments each day and enjoy them as much as I can.

3. Don’t take fussy eating personally.

I have two very fussy eaters and I tell you I am sick of people telling me ‘when they are hungry enough, they’ll eat’, I think I'm ready to hold up a sign that reads: 'They won’t. They’ll just get hideously hangry and will affect everyone in the house.'

I have tried everything to get them eating more healthy foods – hiding veggies in homemade cakes, making ‘special’ meatballs, pasta bakes and risottos, cutting fruit into cool shapes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 

I used to think we were bad parents because we couldn’t get our kids to eat a wider variety of foods. I also used to feel terribly hurt when they didn’t like, and wouldn’t eat, the lovingly prepared food I made for them.

I have finally let it go. 

I feed them foods they like, and there is enough variety that they are well-fed, happy kids (there are actually carrot sticks with hummus in the mix, can you believe?). Sure, I try to introduce and suggest other foods regularly, but if they don’t eat them, I let it go. A reminder that it won't be forever, it’s not my fault and it’s not their fault, it just is! 

4. You are not a bad parent for taking an easier option sometimes.

My husband has a chronic illness, we both work full-time, I’m studying as well, we are both freelance writers too, we have two children, a mortgage, a close extended family, lots of friends, and basically just a big, fat, huge life. 

Sometimes this means we take the ‘easier option’, this means we regularly buy the kids hot chips and nuggets for dinner on a Friday evening when we’re exhausted, and we often plonk them in front of a movie on a Saturday morning so we can get the house vacuumed, and we sometimes bribe them with a milkshake/matchbox car/lollipop if they behave well when we go grocery shopping.

I used to feel guilty about this, that I was failing as a parent, until I realised that preparing nutritious, tasty meals seven nights a week every week until forever is not always viable. And that I value a clean house and if that means an hour or so of TV for my kids so we can get this done, so be it; and that grocery shopping with kids is horrendous so you do whatever you can to sweeten the deal. 

Essentially, I'm not attaching guilty feelings to these choices anymore. 

I realised that doing these things sometimes did not make me a bad parent, and even if I did do this every day, I still wouldn’t be a bad parent, I’d just be trying to survive. And raising two little kids in this huge busy life makes you realise that surviving well is much more important than perfection. 

5. Ask for help whenever you can.

It has taken me nearly nine years of parenting, but I have finally learned that asking for help makes you a better parent. We all often reference that beautiful saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, but then we never call on our villages for support, and people don’t call on us. 

Lately my family has begun calling on our village, and it is making a huge difference in our lives. 

Now if we are struggling with managing weekend commitments to sport and birthday parties alongside preparing for the next work week, I ask a friend if they can take my child to the birthday party with their own, or one of the grandparents if they can watch our youngest while I get the grocery shopping done and my husband takes our eldest to weekend sport. We of course reciprocate and help other members of our village when they need a hand.

Knowing that we have a community of support surrounding us makes life just that bit easier during these intense child-rearing years and fills our lives with more friendship and connection, oh how I wish I had realised this earlier.

FESS Little Noses is Australia's #1 nasal saline for newborns. Shop FESS babies and children's sprays from Chemist Warehouse, Priceline Pharmacy, or your local pharmacy. 

#1 nasal saline according to Pharmacy scan data MAT 12/2/23.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use. 

Feature Image: Supplied.