'I came out at 27 and learned a whole new language. So, I made a lesbian slang glossary.'

I came out when I was 27 and ever since then I’ve been learning a whole new language. 

It was daunting at first; I felt like I was so far behind and inexperienced. I thought 'tribbing' was just 'scissoring', because that’s what mainstream media and porn have always said. I knew nothing about any of it other than I liked women and non-binary folk. 

Why didn’t I know? Because it’s so hard to find any information about lesbians when you're a late-bloomer. To search for it, you need to know what to search for – and I didn’t know what to search for! 

It became a cycle of shame and embarrassment and I felt like my lack of knowledge made me less of a gay person. But now I know that’s not the case at all.

Watch: How to be a woman in 2023. Post continues after video.

And, it’s why I wanted to put together a list of terms used in our community (that are outside the common ones we see everywhere). I don’t know all of them, I’m barely out of the ‘baby gay’ stage myself, but this list will hopefully help anyone else who is getting started and feeling overwhelmed, just as I did. 

Before we get going, let’s go through the important stuff.

Though we lesbians tend to love boxes, we don’t always love to be put inside them (and may I point out what a great lesbian pun that was, thanks). 

Some of the below terms lean heavily towards traditional gender expressions and stereotypes, and therefore some people may not identify with any of them at all. This guide is for the newly out queers trying to find their way through the sea of lesbian terms, and the allies hoping to respectfully learn more about our subculture – it’s not to be taken as law.

And because it really needs to be said, do NOT ever label someone unless they have asked you to do so beforehand. Using a label or term for someone without their consent can be extremely offensive.

Okay, now that the serious chat is out of the way it’s time we get into the juicy stuff. From Golden Retrievers to Futches, from Hey Mamas to Drag Kings, there is a beautiful, sexy gay world out there, and this lesbian is here to give you the tour.

The Lesbian Slang Glossary:

Let’s start with the obvious one, Lesbian:

Someone who is not a man and is romantically and/or sexually attracted to another person/s who is also not a man. It is often thought of as women who love women (which is definitely a part of it) but both women and non-binary people may use this term.

Also, did you know that ‘Lesbian’ is the name for someone who lives on the island of Lesbos?

@mamamiaaus For the sapphics among us 💞 Hannah of @🌈 Rainbow History Class 🌈 explains the origins of the ‘L’ in LGBTQIA+ #lgbtqia #lesbian #lesbiansoftiktok #lesbiancouple #queerwomen #wlw #wlwtiktok #wlwlesbian ♬ original sound - Mamamia

Baby Gay:

A term for a lesbian who has recently come out and is learning all there is to know about being gay.

Baby gays, we welcome you with open arms!

Chapstick Lesbian/Futch: 

Chapsticks and Futches are terms that mean very similar things. They are not femme and not butch/masc; they fall somewhere in between. They’re known to be effortlessly chic and can switch it up to give both feminine and masculine energy. Think the vibe of Kristen Stewart (who is so incredibly hot, just saying).

Drag King:

You know what a Drag Queen is, but have you heard of Drag Kings? Think of a Drag Queen but change the direction. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Adam All (@adamall_drag)

Dom Femme/Dom Fem:

A type of femme, dom femmes are the ones in charge – in the bedroom and in life. They are BIG in the lesbian TikTok scene, take a look if you dare (but only if they tell you you’re allowed to).

Femme/Fem:

Femme’s lean towards the feminine side of the gender spectrum in both style and vibes. 

As a traditionally ‘femme-presenting’ lesbian myself, we are often given the “you don’t look gay” reaction. 🙄

Golden Retriever Masc:

One of my personal favourites, because my partner considers herself as one and I love her for it. Like their namesake, they're easygoing, really genuine, and will love with all their hearts.

@sar_carolyn The definition of a golden retriever girlfriend😭❤️ #foryoupage ♬ original sound - Sarah

Hey Mamas:

Popularised by TikTok, ‘Hey Mamas’ are the fuck bois of the lesbians. 

They are often masc-presenting and post thirst-traps regularly – usually with copious amounts of lip biting. I highly recommend looking up ‘Hey Mama Lesbians’ on TikTok, you’ll thank me later.

@sophgalustian

my impression of a tiktok lesbian

♬ original sound - Soph Galustian

Lipstick/Skincare Lesbian:

These are the ultra-femme lesbians who some may call “high maintenance”. But really, they just love to take care of themselves, and I’m here for it.

Masc/Aka Butch:

Masc, also known as a Butch lesbian, is short for ‘masculine’ and is a term for lesbians who lean in that direction. It would be considered the opposite of femme. 

Pillow Princess:

These people with vaginas are the takers. They love to receive but would rarely, if ever, give in the bedroom. 

Top, Bottom, Switch:

This is often used to describe sexual preferences though can also be used to describe level of dominance in other areas of life. 

For the sake of this let’s keep it to sex. If you’re a top, you take control in the bedroom and will likely be the giver of pleasure, if you are a bottom you are the opposite of a top, and if you are a switch – well, you switch it up depending, usually during the same sexual experience.

Stone Butch:

Highly masculine-leaning lesbians. They don’t often, if ever, want to be touched by their sexual partner and instead they want to do all the giving. This is not always the case but is a trait commonly associated with stone butches.

Studs: 

Studs are butch lesbians who are also Black. It is a term that cannot be used for a butch who is white and is there to differentiate the two lived experiences. 

Sapphic:

This is a term for women who are attracted to other women and can include people who identify as bi, pan, lesbian, or any other sexualities. 

Tribbing:

When I tell you, I had NO idea this word existed until I had well and truly joined the lesbian community. It’s the process of rubbing two genitals together for sexual pleasure. Scissoring is actually just one of the poses you can do and is not the most commonly used one either. 

U-hauling:

Lesbians who move in together very quickly. It’s a common lesbian stereotype, and considering I moved in with my partner after three months… maybe… it can be true sometimes...?

Image: Google.

WLW: 

A common TikTok tag, it is an acronym for ‘Women Loving Women’. 

These terms are forever changing as our understanding of gender and sexuality expands and develops. They’re not rigid and are so individual that it really doesn’t matter whether you choose to use them for yourself or not. I personally would be considered ‘femme’ by the outside world, but don’t entirely feel that this term suits me anymore. As I learn more about myself, I’m beginning to feel more of my masculine energy come through and I’m loving experimenting with this side of myself. 

So, take my own experience as an example of why labels should be seen as a way to express and give direction, not a way to confine yourself or others.

Do you have other terms you think I should add? Let me know in the comments.

Listen to HER with Sophie Cachia as she speaks to women from different walks of life, whose lives changed when they discovered they were attracted to women.

Feature Image: Supplied.