Since being diagnosed with terminal cancer, crying has been a very normal part of my life.
I cry because I have cancer.
I cry because I am dying.
I cry because I feel sick and tired.
I cry over the things I will miss out on – growing old with my husband, having kids etc.
I cry about losing everyone in my life and leaving my family and friends behind to deal with me not being there.
But, I have also found myself crying about some pretty hilarious things.
One of my most laughable crying experiences was walking into the bedroom crying and my husband asking what was wrong. My response being…
“Winners and Losers is over for another season!”
Emma and her husband, Serge. Image via Facebook.
Yes, I was crying over a television show. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be alive to see what would happen next for Bec and her very interesting love life. There were so many unanswered questions. It was nothing short of a disaster.
This became an ongoing dilemma, as my favourite shows would wrap up for the year.
However, on the upside, there would be celebration when I made it to see the next season.
In 2014, there were rumours that my all time favourite show, Offspring, would be finishing after five seasons. I was so relieved, so much that I told Kat Stewart (aka Billie) that I was glad to see the end of her career on Offspring – a little harsh?
Check out our favourite Billie moments in Offspriing. (Post continues after gallery.)
Let's backtrack slightly because you are probably wondering how I came to be talking to Kat Stewart.
In August 2014 I wrote about my fear of leaving a widow behind, my husband Serge. The blog post was centred on my bond with Offspring character, Nina. A bond formed on grief. She had lost her fiancé, Patrick, and I had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and knew I would be leaving my new husband without a wife.
Watching what was thought to be the last season of Offspring was a real battle for me. I felt I needed to protect my husband from the fears I wrote about in the blog post. I found that I would record each episode so I could watch it when he was at work, where he couldn't see me upset.
Watch Nina's final goodbye to Patrick. It hurts our hearts everytime. (Post continues after video.)
I learnt a lot from Nina’s grieving process. I learnt of the fears and needs of the person on the other side of the equation. I learnt that I needed to prepare Serge and make sure he knows that I want him to have a future without me, and that when and if he decides to move on romantically, it doesn’t mean that our time together will be forgotten. Our love will live on always and forever, just like Nina and Patrick’s love.
Anyway, enough with the soppy stuff.
My beautiful and amazing support team at the hospital knew of my love for Offspring. We would spend most of our time together at the hospital talking about Offspring instead of my cancer. Bliss!
The day before my scheduled treatment mid August, I received a call from one of the team members telling me she had a surprise for me and she needed to know when I would be at the hospital the next day etc.
My surprise was a Skype date with Kat Stewart! OH MY GIDDY AUNT!
I was so excited to be talking to Billie and Serge was excited about talking to Roberta…
The highlight of the conversation, as I mentioned above, was the moment I awkwardly told Kat that I would be happy if this season was the end. I told her that I was sick of being upset that I wouldn’t make it to the next season. I was so relieved that my favourite show would be wrapping up all the storylines. I felt that they were wrapping up just for me!
"I told Kat I was happy it was over." Image via Facebook.
Kat and I have remained in touch over emails since, because I AM STILL ALIVE!
Last month I emailed her to say congratulations on the revival of Offspring, but to also say that it wasn’t part of my plan for it to return. How rude of them not to consider me in this decision!
I guess sometimes you just have to put your big girl pants on and get on with life, which means allowing Offspring to enter your Wednesday night plans AND really make the best of the situation and visit the set down in Melbourne.
A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to be invited to set to watch filming for the last few episodes of this season.
My mum and I visited the set of St Francis hospital and watched Billie, Nina and new cast member, Brody, at work.
Emma in the Offspring offices. Image: supplied.
I can’t give anything away, but there were a few tears as I watched Nina talking to Billie about Patrick and dealing with his passing a few years on. It will be interesting to see this scene as part of the whole season.
Like I said in my post two years ago about my fears in leaving Serge as a widow, I thank the writers of Offspring again. This season has skipped a few years in time and I am so happy that Patrick and his memory hasn’t been forgotten this season, because that isn’t real life.
Although I have had to deal with the fear of being forgotten, I know that I will never be forgotten. My memory will live on and I will always have a place in the hearts of my family and friends. And, I will always be Serge’s wife. Our love will live on forever and always no matter what the future holds for him.
In: THE LIFT. Image: supplied.
A big thank you to Kat for having my mum and I as guests to the set and making us feel so welcome – she is just as wonderful as she appears on our screen!
Thank you to Asher and Shannon (Brody) and the rest of the crew, especially Jane and Alex for making the day so amazing.
I look forward to having a cry at the end of this season worrying about if I will see Season 6. But, I look even more forward to celebrating the return of Season 7.
Emma Betts is 24. She’s a wife, a daughter, a sister, a crazy dog-lady, a lover of pavlova, a former international aid and development worker, and current writer/blogger/advocate. She also has terminal melanoma and writes a blog called Dear Melanoma.
Featured image via Facebook.