I suspect a fair number of readers saw the subject and thought, "B*tch, serve him papers and leave!"
I don’t hate my husband. I love him. Just not in a romantic way. Not in a sexual way.
I planned on telling Joseph at the end of the year that I’m done. My rationale was that we’re not leaving the house anyway with coronavirus lockdown and our kids would need both parents at home for virtual school. Why make it more complicated?
Watch: Relationship deal breakers. Post continues below.
Well... I made it more complicated.
Joseph walks in as I’m having an emotional moment over this decision. It’s not the kind of choice you can be confident about until it’s announced out loud. I tell him that I don’t think I can go back to feeling anything more than friends.
He’s fine with that. My husband could go for the rest of our lives without having sex. I tell him I want us to focus on the kids and stop working on us. Joseph is fine with that too.
Delicately (very delicately) I explain that I want the option to find someone and have that feeling of love again. That I want a full relationship with someone. However, I’m torn because I want the kids to have full access to both parents while they’re still young.
I want a "Parenting Marriage". We would be like coworkers raising the children in a home with two parents who love and adore them. The focus would be on the kids and not each other. As in, pretty much what we already have.
My husband points out that finding someone new means I wouldn’t focus on the kids. It didn’t matter if I only went on dates when the kids were asleep. It didn’t matter that any rare time I used to see my friends on weekends would be no different from the time I would then allocate to dating.
"Yeah, I don’t want some random guy around the kids," Joseph says. "Why would anyone need to meet the kids? I’m pretty sure the average guy would be more than happy to not meet kids and just focus on the dating part," I answer and make it clear that I will never, ever live with a guy ever again.