Recently, I was completely taken out of my comfort zone, and my ego didn’t like it one bit.
I have bungee jumped from the Ben Nevis in New Zealand, the highest jump in the Southern hemisphere. I have done naked yoga and skinny dipped with over 1000 people. I have also jumped out of a plane, and been skydiving from 14 thousand feet. I have been blindfolded and dragged onto a stage and had to perform a stand-up comedy routine to a room full of people. But what I did over the weekend far outweighs all of that.
On Sunday I attended a class with a group of other women to learn all about my yoni (female genitalia).
‘YONI’ is the Sanskrit word for the female genitals, meaning ‘sacred space’ or ‘temple’. In ancient traditions, our yonis were honoured and worshiped for their life-giving abilities, however, in our culture today we have lost this sense of honour and reverence for this amazing part of our bodies.
No filter needed ha ha ???????? I’m too sexy for the camera ????????????♀️ how bloody hot was my face on Saturday? @aimeeclairecreative my gal created this picture perfect face ???????? & with a quick updo ???????? from the babes @harperhairsubiaco I was looking SEXY for @cancernobueno ❤️ *soz about the pole! Amz next time we just go crazy on the brick! Also get asked about my #strongbrowgame all the time ???? that my friends is @queta_brows ❤️????????
The MYSTERIES OF THE YONIVERSE is a ground-breaking, transformative whole day workshop just for women exploring our arousal, pleasure, orgasm, intimacy and relating.
I arrived full of nerves, my heart was beating out of my chest but I was strangely excited.
In the description when I was purchasing my ticket, there were two things that I really wanted to see, I wanted to witness a LIVE demonstration of a woman’s pleasure anatomy as stated, “this is the real anatomy lesson you wished you had in school!”
I was also dying to see a LIVE yoni massage, I’d been told about this in the past, but to see one, I was pumped, “this is a powerful practice that can enhance sensation, relaxation, and pleasure internally.”
And it delivered.
Listen: How to get out of an orgasm rut. Post continues after audio.
A lot of people thought I was crazy going to something like this, but I have always been intrigued by this world.
It’s a foreign place for many and very few of us understand or tap into it, although it’s one of the most natural things in the universe to do, connect with our own selves.
Most people I have spoken to had a misconception about the day and its teaching, they thought that its a day of women getting together and touching each other’s bits, and it couldn’t be further from the truth.
This was a day of self-discovery, acceptance, and stepping completely out of my comfort zone if you’re like me and have never done anything like this before.
I have so many mixed emotions about this right now and trying to get it all out on paper is tough but I feel that more of us need to experience and understand it, so I will do my best to get it all out.
Doing this we can connect back to ourselves in the purest form, through our yoni.
A lot of negativity came up for me yesterday and I didn’t realize how disconnected to my feminine and my yoni I was (still am I think…) until we sat through some sharing exercises.
In one exercise with two complete strangers, I had to share about how my yoni truly felt and that was super confronting.
At first, I giggled like a school girl but once I broke down that wall, I realized that I have been so negative towards her for so long.
I have felt real shame and guilt around my yoni for many years, I have called her horrible names. I have compared her to women in movies, magazines and online etc. And I have shown her no love, just hate.
Yesterday I realized my vagina was depressed, the funny thing is, I still remember the moment Charlotte in Sex and the City declared to her three best friends that her vagina was depressed, I laughed and thought she was crazy but I now believe this to be the answer, as I swear my yoni is so up and down with how she feels.
She has a mind of her own, and with all that negativity thrown towards her daily, it's a no wonder.
Some of you may scoff at this but it can happen, our yoni needs as much love as we give our partners, our family members, our children and our pets.
God that sounds so wrong putting all of those things in one sentence but you know what I mean?
We need to show our yoni unconditional love too.
For years I abused her and slept with numerous random men, and not once have I ever checked in with her to see how she is going or try and understand her or show her some love.
I have dipped my toe into this world a few times but always run away scared and frightened of the unknown and I came close a few times yesterday.
I did leave early, the workshop was supposed to finish at 6.30pm but at 5.45pm I had reached capacity, I had enough so I left.
My ego was banging down the door around 4 pm whilst watching the LIVE yoni demonstration.
I was totally comfortable with seeing the vagina but everything society and people have ever said about vaginas was racing through my mind,“This is in front of all these women, that’s disgusting” “This isn't normal, why would you do this?”
If I'm completely honest with you, I was in awe of her beautiful yoni.
It was extremely informative and I learnt more about myself in a day than I have in 33 years...but writing this, I still find it hard to shake this guilt I have for going and being a part of what was a beautiful day.
That is something I am working on.
A big part of the day was exploring intimacy and this for me was by far one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Laying with a complete stranger and gazing into their soul without conversation for over six minutes took me completely out of my comfort zone, just feeling and connecting was hard.
Again I started off with a nervous laugh but then something shifted and I experienced a beautiful connection with a brown-eyed beauty who I will probably never see again.
All of these exercises are to be explored so that you can introduce them into your own relationships but the more I pushed myself out of my own comfort zone, the more negative I felt in the space.
I tried my best to remain positive but I was shit scared and at times found it hard to fully let go and embrace.
Last night when I got home, I felt very emotional.
I felt angry and I also felt disappointed in myself, that I had allowed someone into this very private part of me, my soul.
When I tuned in and sat with my feelings I realized this was all my ego.
My ego, who I forgot to tell you is called 'Roxy' was desperate for me to keep things the way they were because that was the easy option and that was all I knew but I have to push past that.
I can’t live in fear anymore of the unknown, it's time for my yoni to shine.
I'm ready to explore this foreign world, I think...as Roxy chips in again.
Just writing this I want to burst into tears, for years I have abused one of life's most beautiful gifts, my yoni.
This is a promise to myself, from this day forward I will love, respect and treat my yoni kindly.
She deserves the best and so does yours.
Stop with negative self-talk, stop with the sleeping around and giving yourself up, you deserve better.
She deserves better.