In my three and a half years as a parent, I feel like I’ve learnt more than I did in the whole of Year Eleven high school. The lessons your children can teach you are frequent, varied, sometimes painful and often to the detriment of the tenuous remains of your social dignity. And for me, almost always learnt the hard way.
Let me just say, in the last few years I’ve been receiving quite the kid-ucation.
Not just in limitless, unconditional love and boundless tolerance for scraping dried Weet-Bix from the floor and copping accidental Duplo figurines to the temple (If I’m really lucky, simultaneously). But also really useful life skills like how to go about effectively positioning yourself in an airport public toilet in such a way that when your baby who is strapped to you in an ergo carrier, vomits, it doesn’t go inside your underpants like it did last time. Glamour.
I feel so much better equipped to face life since having kids (unless it means putting a bra on, in which case…no). Out of the many wondrous and relevant life lessons my children have taught me in the last three and a half years, I give you a whole nine that I’ve found translate to legitimate life skills for the betterment of every day functioning.
My three year old daughter has a vocal frequency that transcends auditory sensation and I’m quite convinced it allows her to communicate with dogs via ultrasonic sound waves, higher than the upper audible limit of human hearing. The kind only seen prior to now in fork lightening or bats.