This morning, at 7am my alarm went off. I pressed snooze, got out my phone, started checking my Facebook timeline, and squealed.
I felt that similar feeling of elation you get when a friend has been absolutely gunning for something – maybe it’s a job, promotion, house, handbag, whatever, and finally gets it. You know it’s so well deserved, and you’re just happy that they’re happy in that ridiculously simple, easy, and effortless way.
You see, the founder of the sartorially-savvy, always enlightening website ManRepeller.com, has been very vocal about her struggles with her pregnancy journey.
And sometimes to her own detriment.
In her own words, she has become, a “totem for infertility”, a “human talisman of despair”.
Which is why Medine’s happy news, for her, came with a pang of regret.
“I feel that I am the betrayer, and as a result, a twinge of shame and a bit of guilt and a lot of self-awareness neatly wrap my evolving pregnancy,” she writes in a recent post on Man Repeller.
LISTEN: Bec Judd and Monique Bowley deep dive on the final hours of pregnancy: the big wait.
In her article, Medine recounts her struggles conceiving, miscarriages, IVF failures, from the various measures she’s taken to boost her fertility – multiple ovary simulators, diets, acupuncture etc – to celebrating the birthday of her nonviable fetus last November.
It’s an intensely emotional, and self-aware read, and she’s excruciatingly open about her desperation of wanting a child, leading her to self-destructive thoughts.
“I’m 22 weeks pregnant now and I can’t believe that all the energy I spent trying to run my company and my marriage and my life into the ground was a byproduct of how desperate I am to become a mother.”