SEND HELP: Kourtney Kardashian is very confused about how swimwear works.

When I was younger, my sister and I had a kind of code-language for anytime we were at the beach, by a pool or in a bikini.

Chicken fillets, we called it. Everytime our bikini’s slipped a little bit, and the bottom two or three centimetres of our boobs were exposed to the elements, the other would subtly-but-not-very-subtly yell “chicken fillets” to ring alarm bells. The idea of course being that no-one wants the bottom of their boobs falling out of their bikini top.

Which brings me to my next point: Anyone have the number for Kourtney Kardashian? I need to tell her something.

Because one of three things is going on here.

a) Kourtney is trying to start a trend I’m not sure even a Kardashian can pull off

b) She doesn’t understand the purpose of swimwear

c) She’s blind

And therefore someone needs to bring her attention to the chicken fillet memo.

It all started about five days ago, when younger sister Kim posted this photo to Instagram:


The photo lends itself to the ‘accidental chicken fillet’ category, whereby the bikini top is pulled just a little bit too tight and therefore a section of the boobs is exposed.

But then this image came along, and either this is an accident that coincidentally keep happening, or it’s not an accident at all. Conspiracy theories begin. (I start them.)


And just in case you were still firmly on the this-is-all-a-coincidence train, she does it AGAIN. Further conspiracy theories emerge. (I create them.)

So what’s the go here? Have all of the lights of the cameras blinded her brain or is she really, genuinely trying to get this thing to become a thing?

Because I would say it’s futile, but then, this became a thing too once:

Lord help us all.