fashion

Lazy girls, rejoice: the kitten heel is BACK.

When I read that kitten heels were back, I was skeptical.

Squinting at the screen, I leant back in my chair and took a moment. Kitten heels. Kitten heels.

Long since delegated to the ‘Are you kidding me? I would rather DIE’ pile of fashion, the humble kitten heel has spent over a decade in sartorial purgatory. To don a stunted heel was to admit defeat, or at least a satire.

But, bad reputation aside, Vogue seems pretty darn sure kitten heels are making a comeback.

Hell hath frozen over.

In their annual Spring/Summer trend review, Vogue lined up the usual candidates: deconstructed shirting, tulle, sportswear, mini-bags, ruffles… but slid in something that shocked even the most seasoned campaigner.

There, among the Balenciaga booties and Victoria Beckham flats, were the unmistakable stumps of a kitten heel.

“A close call, as flatforms were a popular shape on the catwalk, but the kitten heels have it and here’s why,” the magazine explained.

“The French street style set are all wearing them. Theirs are classic black slingbacks from Prada or two-toned reissues from Chanel or tiny Céline pointed pumps. Regardless, we all know that where the French style set leads, we follow.”

And just like that, lazy girls around the world pumped their fists in the air.

We had won.

Whatever way you want to look at, normal heels (yes, we’re calling them ‘normal heels’ now) are torturous.

Beautiful? Yes. Transforming? Absolutely.

A crippling foot-trap that can result in nothing but band-aided blisters and a wincing shuffle? Yep, that too.

Any fashion chick worth her weight in fluffy Fendi keychains has suffered her fair share of stiletto-related injuries. Personally, I once attended a party on a boat in a pair of sky-high heels that were so painful to walk in, I ended up stranded on the roof unable to make it down the stairs and into the party.

By the time we disembarked, I looked like Helena Bonham-Carter on a bad hair day.

(Post continues after gallery.)

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Back pain, blisters, cramping calves and a night cut short are but a few of the symptoms of eight-inch heel heartache women face.

And now, lazy women like myself – who for so long have had to opt for a wedge, a clog, or a flatform to avoid the heel – finally have another option.

We’re taking the heel escalator down a few levels, and getting ready to clack around in our KITTEN HEELS. Ding ding!

#cozyknit #wornjeans #kittenheel ????????#fashionfriday #momstyle ???? @whowhatwear

A photo posted by Shirley Erskine (@wunderhaus_berlin) on


The kitten heel, however, is not without its faults.

The style itself presents an alarming juxtaposition of comfort and pain. Yes, the lowered heel offers precious relief on our burning heel pads, but for the love of toenails, what’s with the pointed toe? And the slingback?

What woman actually looked at a slingback and went, ‘Geez, that’s practical and super comfortable’?

I can only assume it was a deliberate manoeuvre on the designer’s behalf to try and make up for the lowered heel. But in the swan song of their existence, the kitten heel has the chance to make things right again.

And here’s how.

The lazy girl wants a closed toe to hide her unpainted toenails, but not in the vicious point that shaped the early 2000’s footwear. Something soft and round — like a sports shoe, or sandal for old men with bunions.

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The heel should be wide, squat, and made of an impenetrable material that will never allow for that annoying metal bit that clicks on the footpath when you walk and basically screams BROKEN SHOE! I AM WEARING AN OLD BROKEN SHOE!

It goes without saying that the slingback needs to go, and replaced with a wide and comfortable ankle band to prevent slipping or stepping out of the shoe. Velcro isn’t completely necessary, but goodie gumdrops it would be a treat.

So, a gumboot with a kitten heel, essentially.

Mother of pearl, miu miu has made the kitten heel of my dreams

A photo posted by Tori Rose (@arosegoes) on

In all seriousness, though, I am here on behalf of all lazy girls to say ‘heck yes!’ to the return of the kitten heel.

It’s a new movement of foot-based-freedom, a golden age of striding between venues, dancing until early hours, and saving hundreds of dollars in crappy 7-11 bandaids that don’t work.

Confident and onside with gravity, we’ll strut into the evening with the unmistakable confidence of a woman able to keep her balance.

“Kitten heels?” people will ask with wrinkled noses and looks of distain.

“Uh, YUH,” we’ll reply.

Vogue said so.”

Listen: The kitten heel isn’t the only 90s/00s trend making a comeback…

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