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A recap of Khloe Kardashian's Revenge Body trailer: "It's all about how you feel."

You know what women don’t hear enough about?

Weight loss.

Well, thank God for Khloe Kardashian. Luckily, the youngest Kardashian sister had a completely novel idea for her new reality series Revenge Body: get ordinary people (who are fat, obviously) and make them lose weight on television.

BUT WAIT. You know what else they need? Verbally abusive personal trainers, and reminders of how they fall short not only physically, but also generally in life.

What’s that? You think it sounds exactly like The Biggest Loser? A show Australian networks have recently changed their tact on, because there’s an abundance of evidence that the hardcore, drastic approach to weight loss is unsustainable and in many cases, counterproductive?

No, no. This is entirely different.

The trailer begins with an incredibly slim Khloe Kardashian explaining to a man who has zero interest that as a kid, she would eat if she felt stressed out or sad.

"Why am I here?" Image via E!

"I was always overweight as a kid," she says, which I'm fairly certain is definitively untrue.

Although, she did grow up in LA, where the idea of how a normal human being looks is entirely skewed. So, it's not necessary her fault she felt inadequate.

Oh, and the current president-elect of the United States called her a "fat piglet" at one point, so there's that.

The girl in that image is just not overweight. Image via E!
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Khloe then explains, "I had to learn how to put all my energy into something positive and healthy for me, which is how I fell in love with working out."

"And I really feel like this journey will do the same for you," she says.

CUE INTENSE MUSIC.

So positive. So healthy. So objectification. Image via E!

Now it's time to meet the... contestants? Victims? Fat normal people?

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One woman is pictured walking up a driveway yelling, "did you guys forget that I don't walk?" which, quite frankly, is hilarious.

But her personal trainer does not find her hilarious. Because women aren't here to be hilarious. Women are here to look good. And to look good they must be thin. And to be thin they must shut up and exercise.

"None of this is funny." Image via E!

Another woman then steps on a set of scales and a shocked voice says 'TWO HUNDRED AND SEVEN?!?!' because while these people signed up for a weight loss show, they clearly need to be reminded that their weight is fundamentally unacceptable.

A man looks in the mirror and says he "feels like a loser," and we're sure that the only way to remedy that feeling is to be publicly humiliated on international television and shamed for your weight. It's the only way.

A personal trainer measures another woman and tells her she's 55 inches around the hips. "I am almost a rectangle," says the woman, despite the fact that she is not an inanimate geometric shape, but a human being.

Actually... I've never seen a rectangle who wasn't having fun. Image via E!
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We're then graced with a montage of people crying, personal trainers yelling, and people wanting to give up while very thin people tell them they have to "push through the pain," and "stop whining let's go." It's very empathetic, understanding, etc.

Khloe Kardashian - who is now, apparently, a highly qualified weight loss specialist - narrates that 'sometimes you gain weight because you've put on muscle.'

It's an idea that I don't think anyone in the Western world has ever heard before.

She's...she's a certified genius. Image via Giphy.

A particularly brilliant scene shows one woman saying to another, "that wasn't as bad as you thought, right?" after what looks like some intense exercise. The other woman replies, "yeah, that was pretty bad," and it's the truest thing anyone has ever said about working out, ever.

An angry personal trainer angrily tells a contestant, "If we're not getting the results we need to get, I have every right to question you!"

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What are these 'results,' she 'needs' to get? And who is this woman yelling at her? It's very... rude.

But the most hilarious part of the entire teaser is the moment a man patronisingly explains "it's really important that you trust the process," which, we can only presume, is not evidence-based and doesn't give one good reason for a rational person to trust it.

TRUST ME. Image via E!

Finally, Khloe threatens one of the women, saying "either buckle down and take it seriously, or I'm just going to have to drop you and get somebody new."

Jesus.

We're sure that's a) exactly what Khloe would've liked to hear when she was "struggling" with her weight and b) exactly the way a health professional would speak to someone to try to improve their health.

Khloe then goes on to say "it's not about a weight number, it's about how you feel," followed by a montage of people getting their teeth whitened, their hair done, and shopping for new clothes. A man who appears to be a DOCTOR says "pretty doesn't come easy."

"It's about how you feel... while spending all your time on how you look." Image via E!
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Excuse me... I just vomited all over my screen.

Khloe explains the very profound idea of a "revenge body", which is all about "having revenge on this life you once had that you won't even want any more."

Whh....at?

I don't... I don't think people who struggle with their weight want to literally give up their lives. Believe it or not, overweight people can do other things. Like... work. And study. And start families. And having meaningful friendships.

The end of the trailer sees Khloe ask her contestants "who is this revenge body for?" and they say answer "my ex-fiance," "my mum," "my friends."

GOD NO. Image via Giphy.

I'm... I'm done.

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