Well.

In case you missed it, formerBachelorettestar Jarrod Woodgate and formerBachelorstar Keira Maguire would very much like you to know they’re dating now, thanks.

Forget any image you had of Jarrod wanting to disappear into the Fijian ocean post-Sophie Monk break-up, because now he’s in a relationship with none other than Keira “I’m successful, I have amazing style… I’m definitely a good catch” Maguire, after they both appeared in our very first season ofBachelor in Paradise.

We know this, of course, because there are (paparazzi) shots of the two kissing on the beach. Kissing! (Mamamiadoesn’t endorse paparazzi shots or invasions of privacy or the stalking of celebrities. We won’t show you the photos.

We do, however, know there’s a thing called Google, a thing called Search and a thing called Your Fingers Typing. But we never told you that. You had enough initiative to know that yourself.

)

If you wanted to get a sense of what the images actually entail, this little tidbit fromDaily Mailshould give you the only description you absolutely never needed:

"The blonde bombshell is not holding back, gripping her legs tightly around Jarrod's body and embracing his neck with her arms as she plants a steamy smooch on his lips."

... Looovely.

Here's the thing: I'm going to cut well and truly to the chase. Keira may well have been "gripping her legs tightly" and "steamy smooches" may have been exchanged, but I just... don't believe it. I don't believe it.

Before you yell, scream, accuse me of not believing in real and beautiful love and assume I'm a cold-hearted cynic, please know:I agree with you. I am all of those things.

So let's get into it, shall we?

Here are 12 reasons, contrary to what we are seeing, that prove Keira and Jarrod are really trolling us all. I'm calling it: This little beach rendezvous was a set up.

Oh, and one reason why it may not have been:

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