In the world that is celebrity break-ups, the knowledge that two of the most famous people in the world just broke up is never enough.
“Amicable split” will never be satisfying, “remaining friends” is idealistic but for most a little unrealistic, and scandals never called as they are. After all, the public might as well be the third party in the relationship due to the amount of time and energy they invest.
So you can imagine how well Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry’s announcement went down this week when, in a statement to Us Weekly, they said they were taking “respectful, loving space at this time” before “rumours or falsifications get out of hand”.
(You know, as opposed to the disrespectful, cold, unloving space you’ve taken from your partner in the past.)
Alas, “loving space” became the new “conscious uncoupling”, a one-day distraction from the “rumours” they were so desperate to quash.
But the question remained: what rumours were there to quash? The couple had posed together -- with no sign of respectful space between them -- at the Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday, just two days before the split was called. (Are we using the word split?)
Days later, many-a-gossip magazine let slip about the"rumours", no doubt making public a story Bloom and Perry wanted to get in front of. People reported during the week Bloom was photographed "getting cozy" with a woman called Erin McCabe at a pre-Oscars party on Saturday night. It was there, they said, a lot of whispering and dancing went down. Laughing, too.
After a year together, neither party have addressed the claims it was the whispering, laughing and dancing that led to the demise of their relationship.
But after all, it doesn't seem to matter. People will talk regardless. It was their relationship, too.