Prepare yourself: Katy Perry could actually be JonBenet Ramsay.

The tragic and mysterious death of little JonBenet Ramsay back in 1996 never happened, you guys. The whole case was a well-designed plot to ensure the pop-world domination of one Katy Perry, 31.

Finally, finally we’ve gotten to the bottom of this case. The facts of this matter have been uncovered by warriors for truth and justice who reside, hopefully, solely on the internet.

The proof, once you hear it, is irrefutable.

It includes the telling similarity of their eyebrow shapes, the startling fact that they both have parents, and most damning of all, both Ramsay’s and Perry’s affinity for cowboy hats.

JonBenet Ramsay became Katy Perry. That’s a fact. So if any of you continue to lie, about this person dying you are in fact a false witness to murder and death. That’s a fact. If any of you have told people in the past that this person died, you need to go and tell them that you were wrong.

Excuse me, I have to make some phone calls.

One of these intrepid investigators, with an admirable lack of concern for his own safety in the face of the Illuminati, is, I’m proud to say, Australian.

Listen to his take on things here. Post continues after audio… 

Oh, and I hope you can handle some more of his truth bombs! Cause they’re droppin’.

Michelle Obama is gay. BOOM!

Selena Gomez is a man. KABOOM!


Watch this and tell me it’s not JonBenet. Post continues after video…

Another internet-dweller has really proven the Perry/Ramsay fact by expertly* blending the face of the woman he calls “the Katy Perry character” with that of JonBenet Ramsay. Once you see their faces fuzzed together, you truly see that this person is a little odd a sublime truth-seeker.

That’s supposed to be Katy Perry when she was younger. You can see that that’s just an older JonBenet Ramsay, right?

Right, crazy-face!

Watch the expert blending and try to deny the truth. Post continues after video…

JonBenét Ramsey did not die, nobody died, nobody got hurt. That sacrifice was in name only, and that sacrifice was to get something, and that something was to become a star.

Well, I’m convinced.

Do you think the left shark knew, and was trying to tell us through the medium of dance? I do.

*Opposite day!

h/t The Frisky