We’ve met a few interesting people waiting for the 380 bus to Bondi.
The ukelele-playing accountant and the Irish backpacker who did not speak loudly on the phone about last Saturday afternoon’s get-together at the pub spring to mind straight away. Oh, and then there was Obama on his way to have a quick surf. But he had to jump off the bus to do the Heimlich maneuver on an elderly woman who had a cronut stuck in her throat.
In a week when Kate Middleton’s hair has dominated worldwide news: her Royal cut, the decision to wear Princess Diana’s favourite diamond-and-pearl Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara to a Diplomatic reception, a visit by Royal plumbers to unblock the palace shower drain due to a build up of hair (and we know it’s not Wills), we were not expecting to see Kate Middleton’s hair at the 380 bus stop to Bondi.
But there she was. Waiting patiently as you would expect. Lustrous and lovely, brunette strands gently blowing in the breeze. Her Opal card tucked neatly into her hair for easy access. Everything tucked into her hair really.
Being the news hounds we are, we asked if we could have five minutes of her time. We picked her up and put her on a bench because she got caught in the thong of a harried commuter.
This is what she had to say about the recent Royal snip.
Kate is known for sticking with what works and her exquisite Princess long locks. She’s had a cut, how did that come about?
Come On. Come on. It’s a trim. A trim. It’s not a cut. I mean look at this [shakes self vigorously, Opal card, wallet and mobile phone fall on pavement]. It’s still long. I reckon it’s an inch shorter. An inch! She can’t change. She’s incapable of change. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. “Kate,” I whisper when she’s in the chair. “Go for it. Even just a bob – a proper bob not a lob. Do something Kate. Do something.”
I’m gathering you would like Kate to get a more radical hair cut?
I’d like her to do anything. I mean look at me. LOOK AT ME. No don’t look at me [tries to hide behind bench seat, but doesn’t have the strength]. I’m sorry, it’s just hard being a one-sided shaved haircut trapped in the body of a posh long, blowdried ‘do’. I’m not being true to myself you know? I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m thinking I might need a retreat.
What would you like Kate to do with her hair?