beauty

Kate Middleton is reportedly pregnant with her 15th child.

By NICKY CHAMP

If you were to believe everything you read about Kate Middleton’s life in tabloid magazines you think that she: was barren, has seven babies not including the three times she was pregnant with twins, gave birth to a baby girl, has a father-in-law who wants to strip away her crown, a grandmother who she’s at war with, is jealous of her sister’s bum, has several eating disorders and endured three phantom pregnancies.

Yep, life sure is crazy over at the Palace.

As Prince George has clocked up one year of being alive, the intense speculation about when William and Kate will fall pregnant is ramping up again.

New Idea has this week broken the story that Kate is pregnant with baby number two – or is that baby number 15? – because apparently hair regrowth is a more accurate pregnancy diagnosis than an ultrasound or an official statement from the Royal family.

We spotted this thanks to a tweet by Jane Kennedy, the text reads:

“Seeing the signs…Kate is giving plenty of clues to keen-eyed royal watchers about her apparent condition. Avoiding hair dyes, she’s showing her grey hairs again, while she’s also been plagued by hot flashes and wave of intense emotion.”

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Wait, I’m confused. Does this mean she’s pregnant or going through menopause?

According to the weekly rag, Kate’s penchant for also holding her clutch in front of her body is an impending sign of another royal baby announcement.

Female celebrities can’t win when it comes to tabloid press. You’re either too fat, too thin, too pretty, too ugly, too old, or too young.

As Sonia Kruger recently found out, you’re not even safe when holidaying in Hawaii after a magazine ran a makeup free photo of the star at the beach with the cover line, “What’s happened to Sonia’s face?”

Kruger responded on social media, “50k for this pic. What happened to my face? I went out in the sun. Story made up. Great use of Seven shareholder’s money … said no one ever. #whynotcallandcheck?”

Which made me think, wouldn’t be great if Kate Middleton had a Twitter account? Since it was probably Prince Harry who spoiled social media for everyone, here’s how I imagine Kate responding those ridiculous headlines about her body.

Tabloid: “Yes, Kate is pregnant!”

Kate: “No, actually I just ate a sandwich.”

Tabloid: “Does Kate have something to hide?”

Kate: “Other than from paparazzi who specialise in upskirt photos? No, that’s just how I stand.”

Tabloid: “Kate Middleton plagued by hot flashes and wave of intense emotion.”

Kate: “What?”

Tabloid: “Kate’s avoiding hair dye, and showing her grey hairs again.”

Kate: “IT’S BEEN SIX WEEKS. Blimey, haven’t you got anything else to write about?”

The tabloid press are acting like an annoying relative who keeps prodding, “When are you going to have another baby? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

No doubt Kate and Wills stopped paying attention to the press years ago, but we wouldn’t be surprised if next week Kate’s heading to rehab for her crack cocaine addiction.

Do you buy tabloid magazines any more? 

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