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"Kim gives birth to Kylie." A recap of the Kanye West video no one was ever meant to see. Until now.

Oh, goodie.

A previously unreleased Kanye West music video in which his wife 'gives birth' to her younger sister is just what 2020 needs.

This week, director Eli Russell Linnetz leaked a three-year-old music video for 'Feel Me', Tyga's 2017 track with Kanye, for reasons no one is quite sure of.

Tyga dated Kylie Jenner for three years, and they broke up in 2017, which is why the video was never officially released.

Linnetz then swiftly removed it from his YouTube channel. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

But nothing is ever truly gone from the internet, and that is especially true for a video of Kylie Jenner's giant body being jumped over by a very small monster truck that he may or may not have forgotten to also delete from his Instagram account.

Confused? Same, and the below play-by-play with certainly not change that. This video makes precisely zero sense.

It starts with a thunderstorm and a... comet, before we find ourselves at a dirt race track.

Is this dirty, well-trodden race track a metaphor for life? Image: YouTube.

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Then a monster truck starts and a silhouette of Kylie Jenner in a short, blonde wig walks towards the lightning. Does anyone want to tell her that is unsafe?

I guess not, because we cut back to the truck and hold up, this thing has just started up and it's already sparking. I don't know much about cars but I believe that is a bad... sign.

Oh

This truck is about... six inches tall. Or Kylie Jenner is a literal giant. Both seem plausible.

*Googles 'Kylie Jenner height'*. Image: YouTube.

Kylie then stands with her bum to the camera. She... crouches down and the truck races through her legs.

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I present the following image without comment.


Seriously. No comment. Image: YouTube.

Kylie then poses with her children trucks and follows them around.

One of them then... jumps over her body. I did warn you none of this makes sense.

If they wanted this to seem dangerous the truck could've at least jump over her hips rather than her calves. Image: YouTube.

The scene changes, and Kylie seems to have found the lightning she was so slowly wandering towards earlier.

She then... dances in front of it.

Image: YouTube.

Then there is a shot of Kim and Kylie's feet, and I have a few questions:

1. Do their feet... hurt?

2. How long can one wear those shoes before they fog up like a car window and become a slippery health hazard?

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, 3. Who approved the silver toenail polish because IT LOOKS LIKE AN INFECTION?

IS YOUR TOE OKAY, Y/N? Image: YouTube.

Oh, I've just noticed something.

The trucks are emblazoned with 'Calabasas', so if they get lost people know to return them to the suburb I believe is owned entirely by the Kardashian family.

That's so smart.

Same. Image: YouTube.

Next, a strange hand, of whom we can assume belongs to God but maybe also Kanye, sprinkles... sparks, or glitter, or something, and the small-big truck continues to drive around.

I bless thee with sparkles and big bums. Image: YouTube.

Then Kanye raps something about Kim K's bum and bam, there she is, in a blonde wig and a piece of string allegedly called "underwear". 

TMI but my butt cheeks clench just looking at... that situation. Image: YouTube.

Another truck drives around while Kim adjusts her piece of string and OUCH pls stop, this physically and emotionally hurts.

Kim walks around and touches her hair, like an Instagram influencer who needs a 'candid' photo. You know the ones?

Yeah, THIS pose. Image: YouTube.

Ooh, Kylie has returned.

She picks up a truck and gazes at it... lovingly? With contempt? Honestly, it is hard to tell.

"My main question is why???" Image: YouTube.

No matter, because the hand of God/Kanye is back to spread some more sparkles.

HOLD UP. 

Suddenly a selection of people are standing with their arms in the air. We are witnessing the beginning of Kanye's Sunday service, people.

Praise our Lord and Saviour and also Kanye West. Image: YouTube.

 Then the people lower their arms and actually look a bit... scared.

At this point - well actually, at every point - I have no idea what is going on, but somehow the most logical conclusion is that they've seen into the future.

The BIRTHDAY Party??? Image: YouTube.

There's a flash of lightning and then... NO.

What we are witnessing is a Kylie Jenner, wandering out from a... box of... light... from in between Kim Kardashian's legs.

This truly is... something to behold.

.............. Image: YouTube.

Kim has just birthed her own, adult half-sister. 

The screen then cuts to black and... it is over. 

Forgive my blasphemy, Kanye, but... thank God.

Feature image: YouTube.

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