couples

Married at First Sight episode four: Jono is, officially, the worst.

When Jono disapprovingly muttered ‘oh, s**t’ under his breath upon seeing his new wife, we thought he probably wasn’t a very nice person.

When he referred to her as ‘woman’ throughout their wedding reception, we thought he might be a bit of a wanker.

When he repeatedly told the camera’s that Clare, who, by the way, seems like a genuinely awesome person, was ‘not what he ordered’, we thought he might be a bit shallow.

'She's just not what I'd typically go for.' Eugh. Image via Channel 9.

When he threw a tantrum on Monday night's episode because he was scared of crocodiles, we thought he seemed pretty immature.

But it was his behaviour on last night's episode that sealed the deal: Jono is officially the WORST human I've seen on TV in a really, really long time.

And there's one person in particular who I bet is nodding along, thinking 'I told you so': Clare's intuitive dog, Dutchie. Here's a hint: if you invite a potential partner to your place, and your dog barks at them, you need to trust your dog.

"Mum, this guy's a d**k." Image via Channnel 9.
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THE DOG ALWAYS KNOWS.

Not only did Dutchie bark angrily at Jono, the poor thing actually vomited. It was the only means she had to communicate to Clare that this guy was bad news.

'Don't touch me.' DUTCHIE. Be polite. Image via Channel 9.

Anyway.

Last night, Jono moved into Clare's house following their tumultuous honeymoon. While Clare (commendably) tried to remain positive, despite Jono's constant bad attitude, the two couldn't avoid fighting. Because, as stated previously, Jono is the worst.

The psychologists tried to say that Jono and Clare simply have very different 'conflict resolution strategies.' They then went into some (pseudo) science about how men and women's brains are wired differently to deal with conflict.

Um no.

Jono is just the worst.

Clare asks him to help her buy some furniture and put it together. This is a genius move because the strength of a relationship can most accurately be measured by a couple's ability to effectively assemble furniture without killing each other.

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On the way to the shop, Jono throws a tantrum because: traffic. Upon returning home, he throws a tantrum because: furniture. When Clare tries to speak to him calmly about it, he throws a tantrum because he thinks he should be allowed to throw tantrums.

His tantrums are appalling. While driving, Clare comments endearingly, "your eyelashes are so curly," to which he responds, "Yeah they’re f*cking massive they get stuck in my eyes all the time."

Oh. Ok.

Meanwhile Dutchie is being as supportive as possible, while desperately trying to get her message across.

'Seriously Mum, I don't want him in my house. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to the dog...' Image via Channel 9.

But just when you didn't think Jono could get any more frustrating, he gets on his high-horse about the gym. While they're eating cheese. And drinking wine.

Just NO.

Don't interrupt precious wine and cheese time with boring chatter about fitness. That's like Dating 101.

"I believe that if you’re physically feeling good about yourself, you’re gonna be mentally better. Right? I’ve been to the gym every single day this week. You can always find time."

Cool Jono. I'm sure you can always find time to be a nice person but that doesn't seem to come as easily to you, does it?

Clare, the under-appreciated Queen of this show, calmly challenges him, explaining that brand new mums probably don't have time to exercise every day. And, you know, that's okay.

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But no, Jono maintains that you can ALWAYS find time. Because he knows, from that time when he was a new mum, and maintained his fitness regime.

Seriously, this guy is so argumentative, but seems genuinely confused as to why he and Clare are constantly fighting.

Clare tells Jono that if they were to have kids (at this point Dutchie starts having a heart attack back at home), she probably wouldn't go to the gym, and her shape would change too. In a cutaway interview, Jono tells the camera, "If Clare was a salesperson and she was trying to sell me into having kids, she’d drop the sale."

OH. HELL. NO.

This guy has GOT to go. I'm on #TeamDutchie.

It's later in the episode, when the couple goes for a picnic at the beach, that the s**t finally hits the fan. Clare challenges Jono about the fact that he's had a tantrum literally every day. And surprise, surprise, he throws a tantrum.

"Every day? Let’s go through them!" he says. "Because I'd love to know! I reckon you’re overexaggerating it and I’m not gonna put up with that. I’m not gonna sit here and be portrayed that I go through a temper tantrum every single day. That’s sh*t that you would do that. Right there. That’s really sh*t of you. I’ll pack up. And you can walk if you like."

She then hands him the keys and tells him to go home, to which he responds, "Oh! So it's like it's me walking off again!"

Jesus.

She leaves. And when she gets home, Jono has packed up all his things and left.

Dutchie is ecstatic.

'Finally. I can be happy again.' Image via Channel 9.
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He tells the camera, "Everyone’s got baggage. Everyone does. I don’t mind getting in a relationship and taking on a little bit of carry-on luggage. But I’m not taking two bags of 40 kilos."

Whatever that means.

Because, you know, she's the one with baggage. Not him - the guy who throws a tantrum over any situation that's mildly uncomfortable.

Ultimately, as sad as it was to watch a heartbroken Clare cry in her bedroom, I think most of Australia released a collective sigh of relief. It's a cliché, but Jono doesn't deserve Clare. In fact, Jono doesn't deserve any woman he chooses to treat that way.

While it's entertaining to watch the tension between people like Jono and Clare grow on national television, it's the story of far too many relationships. A young guy with a strong sense of entitlement, an anger problem, and a serious lack of maturity, making a very special woman feel like she's worth nothing.

It's okay. Dutchie is there to comfort you. Image via Channel 9.

Jono is the worst.

But when you have bad experiences with the Jono's of the world, it's important to remember that everyone has a Dutchie. And Dutchie will be waiting on the couch for you to come home, eat some ice cream, and have a long, well-deserved cuddle.

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