New mum? Get ready to multitask like you’ve never multitasked before.
Being a mum involves being highly skilled in a vast number of different areas. And the worst part? No training is provided, and the pay is lousy.
Here are just some of the jobs I have found myself once I became a mum.
Preparing nutritionally balanced meals for my children? Hard enough. Preparing nutritionally balanced meals they will actually eat? Even harder.
My son has been known to stare critically at the squares of bread on his plate and insist one of them is actually a rectangle, and therefore cannot be eaten. There was also the time he cried because I hadn’t burnt his toast. Okaaay, then…
I think I sang more in the first year of my daughter’s life than I’d sung in my entire life before that (and I used to be a bit of a karaoke fan). I would sing nursery rhymes to her during the day, and I would sing to her at night when I wanted her to go to sleep.
Some nights I was so tired that I would sing whatever song came into my head: “Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…”
Before I had kids, my most pressing health concern was how best to deal with a hangover. Now it’s like I’m a doctor employed to work on Embarrassing Bodies: Kids’ Edition.
I have had to remove a snot-covered piece of Lego from my child’s nose. I have also had to check through my child’s poo for a tiny plastic eye swallowed in art class. Happily, my kids have been lucky with avoiding infection outbreaks. Regardless, I’m always on the lookout for symptoms of worms (itchy bottom, restless sleep, loss of appetite), especially during the back to school periods, and I know it’s a problem that can be fixed with those medicated chocolate squares.