fitness

"7 questions I have about J-Lo's viral naked picture."

This morning, Jennifer Lopez announced she was releasing a new single called 'In The Morning' later this week.

Except... people aren't really talking about that at the moment.

Because THIS is the COVER ART:

I mean... WHAT EVEN. Image: Twitter. 

It's a lot, even from the woman who brought us iconic moments such as that green Versace dress and the 2020 Super Bowl halftime show.

It's been at least four hours, and I think the image has actual burnt itself onto my retinas. I can't unsee it. I don't want to unsee it.

Goodness, it has been a big week for the 51-year-old. 

First, she performed two songs with Colombian singer Maluma at the American Music Awards. It looked like this:

ADVERTISEMENT

Then, she began teasing 'In The Morning' across her social media, with a video with a snippet of the song but also photographs of her naked.

In hindsight, the above was probably a major sign of what was to come. But still, when J-Lo casually dropped the cover art on social media, writing barely more than "Surprise!", like it was no big deal, I... was shook.

Shook, and obsessed, and genuinely perplexed. 

Somehow everything AND nothing about this makes sense. You see, this photo has me asking many questions. Namely:

1. What?

THERE ARE JUST SO MANY 'WHATS':

  • What's the magical elixir J-Lo downs every morning?

Me when you say the 'magic elixar' is called 'hard work' 

ADVERTISEMENT
  • Okay fine. What is the name of her personal trainer?
  • What do you mean it will take HOURS of training EVERY DAY?
  • I... give up. 
  • Let's pivot: What will the song... sound like?
  • What will the music VIDEO be like?

2. Where?

COVID-19 has made travel/generally leaving the house difficult for all of us. So I want to know exactly where photographer Mert Alas took this photo.

It probably wasn't, because she's J-Lo, but I like to pretend this was done in her house, which is huge and probably much less chaotic than ours. But still. 

Just imagine a child walking in like, 'Mum, where's my...' and then slowly... backing away...

Side note: Watch the Hustlers trailer for more unbelievable J-Lo. Post continues below video.


Video via STXFilms.

3. When?

Because our lockdown/quarantine/2020 in general has looked... like... this...

Oh. 

ADVERTISEMENT

4. Why?

BUT ALSO WHY NOT?

5. How?

How are we the same species as J-Lo?

How does someone look like that ever in their entire lives? 

How many abdominal muscles can you count? 

How many (visible and... not) do people who aren't J-Lo have?

How long until people start complaining about what a woman chooses to do with her own body? (Hahaha just kidding, that part started 0.3 seconds after she uploaded it).

6. Hold up. Did anyone else notice the ring?

Look. I know there are other... priorities upon first glance.

BUT SCROLL BACK UP AND LOOK AT THE RING.

We knew her emerald-cut diamond engagement ring from fiancé A-Rod was big but somehow with no other... clothing to distract, it seems even bigger.

People estimates it could've cost as much as US$5 million (AU$6.8 million), so yeah, I wouldn't be taking it off either. Even if I took off literally everything else.

7. Has anyone ever actually confirmed J-Lo is human?

I know I asked how we could be the same species above and now I'm even second guessing that.

I don't think it's physically possible. The differences are too stark. 

She's like, a lioness and I'm literally just this meme:

It me. 

It's fine. I'm fine.

Feature image: Twitter.