It’s an accepted fact that cooking never really turns out the way it looks on the cooking show, right?
We can’t be the only ones who’ve put hours, sweat and way too much money on ingredients into a recipe, only to have it end up in the bin.
If you’ve ever baked bread that didn’t rise, or dried a chicken out trying to avoid salmonella, Jennifer Garner feels your pain.
Because she, like us, is a terrible baker, which led to an unfortunate bagel mishap.
In the home video shared on her Instagram, the actress shared a realistic play-by-play of what trying (and failing) to bake bagels from scratch looks like.
And they didn’t turn out so well.
See the results in the video below:
“That Christmas you were so proud (cocky????????) of the homemade bagels you baked for your family, you decided to make them again for #PretendCookingShow and…FAIL!!,” the mum-of-three captioned the hilarious video.
Oh, sweetie. This is literally all of us trying to be wholesome and cook/bake something instead of making it out of the packet.
Turns out this is episode three of the Jennifer Garner ‘Pretend Cooking Show’ we didn’t know existed.
In episode one, Jen treated us to the baby food smoothie (her words, not ours) she had every day for breaky while preparing for her upcoming movie, Peppermint.
Don’t be scared! It’s tastier than it looks! I started working with @bewellbykelly a few months ago to get ready for #PEPPERMINTmovie and have had her smoothie every day for breakfast since. Today, I decided to play scientist and see if my @onceuponafarm cold-pressed, organic purée (or baby food, if you’re a baby, but whatever) could be a substitute for fresh blueberries when I didn’t see any in the fridge. Yep, it could. ???????????????? —– #BeWELLSMOOTHIE recipe: 2 scoops @primalkitchenfoods collagen protein powder (hot tip: I prefer the Chocolate Coconut Collagen Fuel) 1 tablespoon ground flaxseed 1 tablespoon chia seeds 1 tablespoon almond butter (if no one’s looking I use extra…????) 1 1/2 cups unsweetened almond milk Handful of fresh spinach Small handful of ice Very small handful of blueberries (please see almond butter. Also true here. ????????♀️) —– Mix all ingredients together in blender and enjoy.
And the second, her favourite English muffins recipe. They’re called Huckleberry English Muffins. Yeah.
Pretend Cooking Show, Episode 2: @huckcafe English Muffins by @zoenathanloeb. You can see the full episode, in all its floury glory, on my Facebook. #icrackmyselfup #pretendcookingshow #notaprettybaker —– Huckleberry English Muffins recipe: 3 cups buttermilk 2 tbsp active dry yeast 3 tbsp unsalted butter (room temp) 3 tbsp honey 6 cups bread flour 1/4 cup sugar 4 1/2 tsp kosher salt 1 cup cornmeal —– 1. Warm 1 1/2 cups (355ml) of the buttermilk in a small saucepan, but do not boil. Place the remaining 1 1/2 cups (355ml) cold buttermilk in the bowl of a stand mixer with the yeast and whisk by hand to combine. Add the warm buttermilk to the cold buttermilk mixture and whisk to blend. Add the butter, honey, bread flour, sugar, and salt and mix on low speed with the dough hook attachment for about 1 minute, until the dough comes together. Increase the speed to medium-high and work the dough for about 2 minutes until smooth. • 2. Transfer the dough to a greased bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 1 hour. • 3. Sprinkle 1/2 cup (80g) of the cornmeal on a clean work surface and dump the dough out onto it. Sprinkle another 1/4 cup (40g) of the cornmeal on top of the dough and flatten it into a disk with 1 inch (2.5cm) thickness. • 4. Sprinkle the last 1/4 cup (40g) of the cornmeal onto a sheet pan. With a 3 inch (7.5cm) round cutter, cut the English muffins from the dough. Cut them as closely as possible, minimizing the amount of scraps, as you cannot combine and reroll this dough. • 5. Arrange the English muffins, 1 inch (2.5cm) apart, on the sheet pan. Allow the dough to rise for 1 hour at room temperature. Or refrigerate overnight and allow to rise for 1 hour in the morning. • 6. As the English muffins near readiness, preheat your oven to 350F (180C) degrees. When the oven is hot, heat an ungreased griddle or large cast-iron pan over medium-high heat. Jen tip: 275F (135C) for the temperature of your griddle! • 7. Drop the English muffins onto the griddle and cook for about 1 minute on each side, until golden brown. • 8. Return the English muffins to the sheet pan and immediately bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until they feel light.
Last week, the actress also showed us how to make kale chips. Somehow hers look far more appetising than that one time we tried to make them because someone told us they’re healthy.
AND sorry but while we were deep diving into her Facebook page, we also saw this. Yes, that is Jennifer Garner reading to her Labrador.
Thankfully, no muffins or Labradors were harmed in the making of these videos. The kale seems fine too.
Sadly, the same can’t be said of the bagels.
Cut the crap.