entertainment

One of Jennifer Aniston's famous friends has blabbed about the wedding.

The man they chose to give a touching speech ended up roasting the couple instead.

Note to Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, next time you have a super secret celebration, maybe leave radio host Howard Stern off the guest list.

Stern, 61, was one of the only people who knew in advance that the wedding was happening, but was sworn to secrecy by the famous couple.

But we guess since the wedding has happened and it’s totally old news – five days is a pretty long time, right? – Stern has capitalised on his friends’ wedding by talking about the inside details of the event on his radio show, The Howard Stern Show. And now we didn’t even need to be there, because he’s told us everything.

jennifer aniston wedding
We’re assuming this is exactly how Jen and Justin looked throughout Stern’s speech. Image via Getty.

He confirmed that most guests – except him, ‘cos he’s so important, obviously – thought they were there to celebrate Theroux’s 44th birthday and that guests were asked to hand over mobile phones when they arrived.

“Why can’t I have my cell phone?” he recalled saying.

“I don’t want to take a picture of you two! I really don’t. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the fuck outta here! People were laughing at my misery.”

And, while he’s obviously (probably, maybe?) joking, that’s sign number one that he’s a bit of a dickhead.

jennifer aniston wedding
Howard Stern, worst wedding guest ever? Image via Getty.
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Sign number two? He was mad his friends didn’t accommodate for his height and instead provided small chairs, apparently.

“There was a table, and then you sit down and the chairs were like poufs, like little pillow pouf. I’m 6-foot-fucking-5! I’m a grown man!”

Stern then spoke about being seated next to Orlando Bloom at the wedding, something he obviously felt strongly about because for a while there, he didn’t know who Orlando Bloom was. Can’t you just imagine Stern silently cursing Aniston and Theroux for placing him next to some random? Brilliant.

“So this really handsome guy is sitting next to me at the table. This fucking guy. He’s like better-looking than Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise all rolled into one. So I’m sitting and talking to this guy — interesting dude. We’re hitting it off and talking for a long time. I said, ‘What is your name?’ He says, ‘Orlando.’

He’s a nice guy. He’s so handsome. I said to him at one point, ‘This must be tough for you to be at this wedding. You haven’t gotten laid or gotten a blow job in a half an hour. You must be used to getting f***ed every 15 minutes.'”

Click through the gallery below for more photos of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Post continues after gallery.

He ended by saying how lucky Jennifer Aniston was to marry Justin Theroux, not because two people who obviously love each other came together to form a union, but because he’s got a great bod.

“I told Jennifer that she deserved a guy like this, because after all, she’s been very sweet and generous with us. But Justin and his body. His abs, his ass. Look at him. I’m giddy over him!”

Yeah, new rule for celebrity weddings: don’t invite Howard Stern unless you want to feel kinda bad about your big day. But hey, Jen and Justin are probably over it. They’re on their honeymoon in Bora Bora, after all.

Did you have any rude guests at your wedding? 

For more on Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux… 

Jennifer Aniston is married, and now the world can get off her back.

How did Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux keep their wedding a secret?

Finally a rumour about Jennifer Aniston that’s true. Congratulations.