real life

Jennifer Aniston is married, and now the world can get off her back.

The woman who had everything had nothing but pity until she had a wedding ring.

As the News told us: “Unlucky in love actress Jennifer Aniston has finally tied the knot with Justin Theroux overnight in a ceremony in Los Angeles…”

Yes, an actual newsreader read those words this morning.

LOS ANGELES, CA - JANUARY 25: Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston attend the 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards at the Shrine Auditorium on January 25, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Amy Graves/WireImage) *** Local Caption *** Justin Theroux;Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer and Justin (Image: Getty)

Imagine having your first name eternally prefixed with “Unlucky In Love”. And they say celebrities are just like us.

If a woman who has been married and divorced is Unlucky In Love then come on, let’s raise our hands, because one in four of us have been divorced, too.

Granted, most of us weren’t married to The Sexiest Man Alive (TM). And most of us didn’t get publicly cuckolded by a woman who is more Goddess than Human, but hey, plenty of us have been there.

Brad and Angelina. They could've gone with Pitt + Jolie - Jolitt.
Brad and Angelina (Image: Getty)

But since that time – which was, it’s worth remembering, way back in 2005 – the world has generously held a grudge for Jennifer Aniston, and along with being ‘on her side’, we have been very happy to view a woman who has everything as someone to be pitied for one simple reason: She hadn’t married again.

Never mind the fact that she is an intelligent and beautiful woman who is completely in control of her life and her $150million fortune.

Never mind the fact that she has been doubtless having some very excellent sex for the last 10 years with some interesting, charismatic men from Vince Vaughan to John Mayer to Justin Theroux. (Think about it, do any of those choices of lover scream “I’m desperate to settle down” to you?)

Never mind the fact that she seems to spend half the year in a bikini in the kind of luxurious Mexican resort that most of us could only visit if they hired us as a chamber maid.

Never mind the fact that she owns her own production company, has won a Golden Globe and is an ambassador for 19 charities, many of which work with disadvantaged children.

Never mind the fact that she has a gaggle of supertight  girlfriends who would make Taylor Swift jealous, and seems to be best mates with every cool comedian from Jimmy Kimmel to Chelsea Handler to Sacha Baron Cohen.

No, never mind all that. It have just been terrible to be Jennifer Aniston because… she wasn’t married.

Thank god she’s married now (Video via Entertainment Tonight.):

Video via ET

Well, phew. On Wednesday night, Jennifer Aniston invited all her cool friends to a big party and ticked that box, and we can all relax, comfortable in the knowledge that our expectations have been met, a fairytale finish is in the can, and everything is right with the world.

But if Jen isn’t rushing out her wedding pictures for our enjoyment we can hardly blame her. She’s doubtless sick to death of the public’s patronising pity, and doesn’t think we deserve a look at whatever stunning frock the paparazzi helicopters couldn’t see from space.

Still, congratulations, Jen, we can all stop worrying about you now.

Oh, wait, no. We can’t get off her back at all. She still hasn’t had a baby.

Shit. We’d better start again.

Click through for a gallery of Jennifer and Justin…

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