KATE: This is what happens when you vote for a minor party, Australia.


Hey Australia.

Remember Jacqui Lambie, the Tasmanian senator who recently announced on live radio that she wanted a “well-hung” man with “plenty of cash”?

Did you know she’s currently threatening to block the entire federal budget from passing because she wants more funding for Tassie mushroom growers and bumble bee farmers?



This is what happens when you vote for a minor party, Australia.

Your federal budget gets blocked by someone who cares more about bumble bees and mushrooms than foreign aid or economics.

The Palmer United Party Senator told Treasurer Joe Hockey that she’s not voting to pass his budget unless he hands over more cash to the bee people and the fungi communities of this country.

In a meeting with Treasurer Hockey “which went for over 2.5 hrs,” Senator Lambie put forward her sweet, buzzy case. “We also had discussions about trials of bumblebees for local primary producers and the contentious mushroom levy,” she said in a statement.

“I think we can reach a win-win solution for the federal government and the local Tasmanian companies.”

Obviously, we hold nothing against the noble folk who keep bees, grow mushrooms, and live in Tasmania. Honey is delicious, and so are mushrooms, especially on toast with some goats cheese. Real people with vegetable and insect based incomes no doubt need support. The declining population of bees is a genuine environmental concern.


But as a national priority? On the whim of a politician who got elected because her state essentially said, “Ah fuck it, this’ll be fun. I’m gonna vote Palmer United”?


This is a farce.

Clive Palmer. Chief Dinosaur Keeper.

Jacqui Lambie was hand-picked by Clive Palmer, a billionaire megalomaniac who thought it was a good idea to build a replica Titanic (because the passengers on the original had such a blast). This is a man who has more money than sense and a life-size, moving Tyrannosaurus Rex on one of his golf courses. He — and everyone who works for him — are all novelty, barely any substance.

When Clive entered politics, he was like a primary school kid looking at an abstract painting. He looked at the people who do it for a living and thought, “I could do that.”

Now. If we’re to give Clive Palmer and Jacqui Lambie credit, this whole “save the mushrooms” campaign might be a very clever rouse for blocking Joe Hockey’s mean, alarmist budget on moral grounds. In which case, look, let’s go all out and demand that Shetland pony ranches and blueberry merchants get some dosh too.

But this is Clive Palmer’s party. Where there are no rules — just a weird, sinister balance of power the Australian people accidentally made happen when they voted with their idiot sticks. In all likelihood, Jacqui Lambie genuinely thinks micro-micro-economic reform like mushroom grower rights should be a national priority.