Renewing vows: A good idea, or indulgent?

Weddings are a bitch. They are. Expensive. Take forever to organise. Knock a big chunk out of your weekend if you’re a guest and a sizeable bite out of your year if you’re in the wedding party.

And in the end? They’re Groundhog Day. White frock, I do, kiss the bride, disappear for the photos, best man speech, drunk inappropriate uncle blah blah blah. It’s hard to tell one wedding from the next with the possible exception of your own.

But for some, one wedding just isn’t enough and I’m not even talking about Liz Taylor, Pamela Anderson or John Singleton. The new celebrity thing is to have multiple marriages. To the same person. This is splendid news because I’ve always thought that celebrities don’t get enough attention. Do they need more gifts? Another excuse to buy a new frock?  Yes and yes, it would seem.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were married again this October in Vegas, four years after their first wedding. In November, Melanie ‘Scary Spice’ Brown, who married her second husband Stephen Belafonte 16 months ago, did it again, this time in Egypt for the benefit of OK magazine who wrote her a big fat cheque. And early next year, Seal will re-marry Heidi Klum FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN THREE YEARS. People magazine says, “The ceremony will take place on a deserted beach, the bride will wear a couture gown, and the guests will be ferried to and from Seal’s cliffside villa in the Costa Careyes resort, a secluded celebrity enclave on the Pacific coast.”

I have an idea. How about everyone settles down, puts the white frock into storage and gets on with JUST BEING MARRIED. Is that too boring for you famous people? Yes. It is.

‘It’s become a bit of a custom to get married again every year,’ Seal explained to People. ‘We love it. It’s great renewing vows again. You remember who it was you fell in love with. It’s also a good excuse to have a big party, and we have a different theme every year.’

Seal, can I make a suggestion? Next time you forget who you fell in love with, it might just be cheaper to look yourself up on Wikipedia. As for the big party, see above point about celebrities needing lots of attention.

Brides are exactly like famous people in this way. They like to be firmly in the centre of the universe. In fact wedding planners say there’s been a shift in bridal fantasies from wanting to be a princess for a day to wanting to be a celebrity. Princesses are so nineties. This is not entirely surprising given that (apart from Mary) the only visible princesses these days are a little lacking in bridal appeal. Princess Anne, anyone? Beatrice? Eugenie?

Meanwhile, for some couples who are renewing vows, it’s a chance to re-do a wedding that, for whatever reason, wasn’t quite right the first time. Maybe this is because no one really has the exact wedding they want. A thousand compromises must be made for reasons of budget, politics, weather and even – can you believe this – the groom.

If you’ve ever had a wedding and you had the chance to have another one, what would you do differently? Dress? Guests? Bridesmaids? Speeches? Venue? One friend of mine has decided to tackle these questions head-on by renewing vows every five years.

I went to her first wedding three years ago and on the honeymoon she began planning the next one. “Why should I be punished for having a happy marriage?” she points out. “People whose marriages fall apart get to have another wedding if they re-marry so why should I be a bride only once?”

Ah, renewing vows as an incentive-scheme to stay married. That’s innovative. “Does this mean I have to buy you another present for every wedding?” I complained. “And will your bridesmaids have to back up and buy new frocks or can they recycle?” “I’m not having bridesmaids next time,” she shot back. “Your first wedding is all about other people but I want my next wedding to just be about me. I mean, us.”

I have another friend who thought her first wedding was perfect and has no desire for a re-do. “It would dilute the original one,” she says. However she so enjoyed organising that first one, she’s now toying with the idea of becoming a wedding planner so she can do it again. And again. Her own wedding was magnificent, it’s true. She is a genius at styling and creating parties. She has an extraordinary eye for detail. But the obstacle that keeps tripping her up whenever we talk about organising other people’s weddings? The Bride. And all her misguided opinions. Because don’t brides have one or two of those…

We came to the conclusion that if she did become a wedding planner, she’d have to call her business Your Day, My Way. The bride would be bound and gagged early on and would basically just be permitted to turn up and do what she’s told. Needless to say, the business plan is still a little shaky.