Australia, welcome to the wild and wonderful world of BIDETS.
They are the bathroom accessory that has the modern pooper perplexed: ceramic potty designed to be straddled for a water-jet clean-off post, erm, poop.
Dating back the 17th century France, the bidet saw a brief peak in popularity around the late 1980’s in aspirational suburban bathrooms, alongside lavender pot-pourri and furry toilet seats.
On the latest episode of The Block, Whitney and Andrew decided to put a bidet into their bathroom. And the bidet boom began.
Watch below for all of the loo-nutic madness of The Block’s bidet. (Post continues after video.)
Though Whitney and Andrew weren’t entire across how a bidet worked…
Immediately, the hills of Twitter were alive with the sound of flushing (and blushing) as Australia took to their keyboards to work through the loo-niversal conundrum of bidet vs. toilet.
For those lucky folks who have never had to experience the horror of visiting an overseas toilet only to realise there is a bidet in place of toilet paper, here’s the 411 on the ‘Washing Not Wiping’ experience*.
Step #1: You sit on the toilet as per all previous life training and do your business.
Step #2: You remove yourself from the toilet, and whilst trying not to panic (or drip) move next door to the bidet.
Step #3: You straddle the ceramic bowl and give yourself a thorough rinse with the jet of warm water.
*Tip: Don’t search online “how to use a bidet”, mmkay? I did it for you so you won’t also have to dry retch your way through a Google search. I did it for YOU.
According to the extensive online forums that I spent a little too long on, the joys of the bidet are mostly attributed to the extensive clean, with many bidet activists preaching that water is more hygenic than toilet paper.
But isn’t dripping dry a little too time-consuming for a quick whizz at work? Nope, because after washing, you’re then meant to dry yourself off with the provided towel.
One towel for many bums.
…sounds like we might be getting the bum steer.
Until then, perhaps we can find a better use for the new porcelain.