real life

The secret personality test that you complete every time you hop into an Uber.

I’m the daughter of an Uber driver, and have some news to share.

Dad and I were having dinner together this week when, out of nowhere, he looked up from his chicken parma and said, “I’ve told you about the front-seaters compared to back-seaters, yeah?”

“Uh, no, Dad. It sounds like you’re speaking another language.”

It was then that he launched into the simplest, most ridiculous personality test I’ve heard; one that Uber drivers have apparently been conducting since the dawn of time (2015).

It turns out your decision of where to sit in an Uber has been psycho-analysed again and again, without your knowledge.

It sounds very serious, when really it’s not at all: My dad is just a slight weirdo who clearly gets bored when driving people around the city of Sydney.

According to a close-knit group of Uber drivers, there are two personality types, and they are divided like a Harry Potter sorting hat by whether you open the front of rear door of their Uber.

Wait… is it rude to sit in the back of an Uber? The Mamamia Out Loud team weigh in.

Here are the personality profiles my father has very thoughtfully put together in his 16 months driving around random strangers. *This, of course, is used more for men than women, because it is understandable that women prefer to seat in the back seat as a matter of safety.*

Front seaters

  • Extremely polite
  • Caring
  • Chatty
  • Meticulous attention to detail
  • Android user
  • Terrific cook
  • Will ask “how long have you been driving with Uber” in the first 90 seconds
  • Wants you to ask what they do for work/where they’re going/what they believe the meaning of life is
  • Prefers tea to coffee
  • Watches The Big Bang Theory but will deny it if you ask
  • Has an organised sock drawer
  • Posts photographs of meals to Instagram

Back seaters

  • Leaves toothpaste around the toothpaste tube opening
  • Outgoing
  • Successful
  • Ambitious
  • Fiercely loyal
  • iPhone user
  • Never has an umbrella when they need one
  • Got detentions in high school
  • Watches Married At First Sight and would like that to be the only topic of conversation, if possible. Actually, can the trip be in total silence, please?
  • Favourite home-cooked meal is “Uber Eats”
  • Can tell you how many Instagram followers they have on the spot
  • Can’t remember how old their mum is

What do you think, do these personality types suit your Uber habits perfectly? Let us know in the comments!

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