Going for a number two, dropping the kids off at the pool, laying a cable — whatever you like to call it, pooing is a natural and necessary bodily function. Every human being, no matter how fancy or famous or squeamish, does it.
Yet when it comes to relieving the ol’ bowels in a workplace toilet, it seems not everyone is on board. In fact, there’s some pretty firm opposition to the idea.
On Show and Tell, writer Erin O’Grady contends the office toilet should not be one’s go-to for a number two.
“Unless you are struck down with chronic food poisoning because you ate week old leftovers and it’s two days before pay day, then you are allowed to have one emergency visit. After that, get the hell away from me and take your tap-ass with you,” she writes. Strong words there.
O’Grady is so reluctant to relieve herself at work, she’s been known to ask her boss if she can go home at lunch time to get the job done offsite.
Watch: What the colour of your urine says about your health. (Post continues after video.)
“At first I told little fibs — ‘The real estate agent needs to come and look at the oven’, ‘I have a specialist appointment’ – eventually it has just become a knowing look and then off I scoot for 30 minutes,” she says.
That might seem like an extreme example — not to mention a very understanding boss — but a quick poll of Mamamia HQ revealed many of us felt ill at ease in the office cubicle.
“I can’t go at work. I have a fear of going anywhere that isn’t my home, and it legit causes tum issues,” one wrote.
“I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I kind of have to get familiar with a new bathroom environment before I feel comfortable enough to go. This includes work,” another added.
Stage fright is one thing; there’s the audio issue.
Haven't you heard? Ladies don't poop. (Image: Poo-Pourri/Youtube)
"The only thing bad about pooing at work and in any communal bathroom is the awkward moment when you realise that the person in the cubicle next to you is also oddly quiet, and neither of you want to be the first to drop," another mused.
Apparently, this phenomenon is known (hilariously) as 'Battle Shits.'
Others detailed the extreme lengths they go to in order to conceal the sounds and smells of bowel excavation — from constructing toilet paper "landing pads", to timing their flushing to coincide with the time of impact.
Some are so reluctant to do their business in close proximity to people they know and work with, they've researched and developed an intimate knowledge of all the public toilets within a certain radius of their workplace.
Sounds exhausting, right?