Barnaby Joyce is very confused – and we think we know why.
You see, over the weekend, the former Deputy Prime Minister decided it was a good idea to tell Fairfax he wasn’t entirely sure he was the father of his former media advisor, Vikki Campion’s unborn baby – describing the child’s paternity as a “grey area”.
It would be raised as his, 50-year-old Joyce very nobly stated, but really it could be just about anyone’s baby.
The biological question of which there most certainly is one, Joyce said, made no difference to him – that’s why he made a point of broadcasting it to the nation, and shining a glaring spotlight on the details of 33-year-old Campion’s clearly very busy sex life.
The same man who repeated the mantra “private matters remain private” so many times on 7:30 that we found ourselves violently banging our televisions thinking we were encountering some strange glitch, has now shared, just so we’re all across it, that he put his penis into Campion’s vagina on a “sporadic basis” and they were not officially partners.
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Joyce says he was physically away from Campion when the baby would have been conceived, and perhaps if Campion could just provide us with a diary of a) who she had sex with and when b) whether she used protection and c) a precise breakdown of her cycle/when she ovulated, then all this mess would be cleared up.
It would be easy to criticise Joyce for slut-shaming and managing to humiliate yet another woman in his life – but we’re sure that’s not at all what’s happened.
Poor Barnaby Joyce thinks he’s on an episode of Married at First Sight and why has no one told him he most definitely is not?
He thinks he is sitting on the couch at a Commitment Ceremony, where couples are required to discuss the ins and outs of their sex life to a panel of, er, ‘experts’, and also the entire nation, but he is not at all sitting on that couch. And Campion never signed a contract that said she was comfortable having her relationship, let alone the alleged details of her sex life, on display for an entire nation.
And we think we know where exactly the mix up took place.
In early February, The Daily Telegraph reported that Joyce was in a relationship with Campion, who was also pregnant with his child.