It was an awakening equivalent to the moment I discovered I was pronouncing memes incorrectly (note: it is not memehz).
Look down at anyone wearing trainers – and everyone is wearing them now – you cannot see their socks. Their socks must be tiny, neat, cotton spiderwebs on people’s feet. Oh, the delicateness of them.
It’s clear there are right socks to wear and wrong socks.
I know this because I regularly turn up to the gym in wrong socks. I don’t think I have worn a matching pair of socks since 1986. I’ve bought a lot of socks over the years. I could make Donald Trump’s Mexico wall with the number of socks I’ve bought, but I have two children with the same size feet as me and one youngest child who is so wily she can origami fold an adult sock and make it fit an 11-year-old’s foot.
"I haven't worn a matching pair of socks since 1986."
Once she went to school on a day that involved an excursion where the kids were required to hike and "study botanica". Arriving at school she realised she only had one sock (how she got to school with just one sock is another of life's mysteries) so she made another sock out of toilet paper.
WE NEVER HAVE MATCHING SOCKS. Or WE HAVE NO SOCKS AT ALL (which is so strange considering if I was to conjure a visual image of my home in my head right now I can see individual socks under couches and in corners of bedrooms and at the bottom of wardrobes).
So often I end up in my husband's socks. Did I mention he has size 15 feet? People have stood at our front door and looked at his hastily thrown off runners in what my family loosely calls the "shoe basket" (general repository at front door for life shit no-one wants. I once found a tin of cat food in there and we don't own a cat) and these "friends" of mine have laughed at the size of his shoes. They are giant shoes and do look very stupid unless feet are in them and even then it's 50/50 as to whether actual use mitigates their stupidity.
So there I am at the gym. Next to gorgeous, young, motivated people with clean cars and you CANNOT SEE THEIR SOCKS. But I know they are there. Every now and then I see the teensy weensy tip of MATCHING socks. I can't help but admire everyone's ankles.
Scroll through to see all these people with their imaginary socks. (Post continues after gallery.)