Introverts all over the world have been in hibernation since precisely 12:00am last New Year’s Eve, and now people are inviting them to things all over again like last year never even happened.
And it’s not that we don’t appreciate the invite. Goodness, we do.
It’s just that a frankly absurd amount of social commitments are crammed into one month and when are we meant to do that thing where we sit on our bed with a towel on our head for four hours and stare at the ceiling while every now and then picking up our phone and stalking people we’ve never met on Instagram. When?
LISTEN: Mia Freedman, Holly Wainwright and I debate the importance of the work Christmas party on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.
Some people appear to seamlessly float from one event to the other, with their clothes ironed and a strangely authentic smile on their face. But introverts, you see, have some unusual coping mechanisms.
Here are the thoughts every introvert has during the ‘festive’ season (tbh July was our festive season given we just laid in bed for 31 days and watched The Handmaid’s Tale feat. Maltesers).
1. “Please make this person have a pet so I have an excuse to lie on the floor in silence for 45 minutes and not be considered rude… people will think I’m just really into animals.”
Every introvert knows the moment you spot the dog/cat/axolotl, and you breathe a sigh of relief. You have found your person.
Social interaction involves a number of complex rules - and it feels like maybe you were away from school the day they were taught. There's all this 'hello', 'how's your year been?' nonsense, and guidelines like don't ask too many questions and don't inquire about anything rude or invasive or inappropriate, but also don't talk about yourself too much, maintain eye contact but not too intensely, eat with your mouth closed, don't drink too much, be open with your body language but also make sure you don't have a rogue boob hanging out IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH.
You know who doesn't care if you have a rogue boob hanging out?