Gwyneth Montenegro was bullied at school, had severely low self-esteem and was gang raped at the age of 18 during a night out at a club.
Her life spiralled into darkness and she became an escort. Charging between $500-$1000 an hour she slept with well-known politicians, lawyers, musicians – and plenty of Australian men.
Many of those men were married.
Having found the strength to turn her life around, push through her depression and walk away from an industry which she describes as “soul-destroying and disempowering”, she has now released a book ’10,000 Men and Counting’.
Now she’s launching a new venture, ‘Intimacy Profiling’, an online tool which enables women to analyse their partner’s intimate behaviour, change the way they communicate and ensure they don’t cheat.
Isn’t this a bit rich coming from a woman who essentially enabled cheating, people have asked.
“Yes, I can see how people would say that,” she said. ” was in a very dark place for many years. I had a job I’m not proud of and if I had my life again I wouldn’t do it. There’s nothing to glamorise about the industry. I’ve spent a lot of money trying to get my head together and find a way to live with myself.
“It was a job, it’s not who I am.”
Of course, having worked in the industry for 12 years, Gwyneth learnt a lot about men’s behaviour.
She says what goes on behind closed doors isn’t just about sex. So, what does drive men to cheat?
“I want to dispel the myth that men cheat because they can. It’s a cop out. Cheating is a decision. Men don’t cheat because of what’s between their legs, they cheat because of what’s going unfulfilled in their mind.
“All sex begins in the mind. Let me give you an example of one of my clients who is very typical.
“Michael* has been married for 25 years.
“He absolutely adores his wife and has her on a pedestal – but they haven’t had sex in 15 years.
“When they were first married she had sex just enough to try and keep him happy. That kind of sex does nothing for men, from what I’ve observed.
“You might as well not have sex if you’re not connected, you can’t just tick it off on a calendar.
“Michael is an example of a ‘Wimpy Kid’ profile of the ten I’ve discovered in my profiling. He was wracked with guilt but felt emasculated because he couldn’t be ‘the man’ in the relationship. He’s very common, especially in Australia where I did most of my ‘research’.”
So, is Gwyneth saying that a man who has lots of sex is just as likely to cheat as one who has hardly any sex if they’re not mentally connected to their partner?
“Good, fulfilling sex isn’t about swinging from the chandeliers or having all the best new toys,” she said. “It’s about how you have sex not how often you have sex. You can have a man who has no sex in their relationship or a man who has heaps but if they feel that their partner isn’t connected to them mentally, it isn’t fulfilling.
“Men are emotional too, they can tell if you’re doing it because you have to.
“A woman has a huge amount of control. You can turn your relationship around very quickly when you understand your partner better and can communicate more effectively with him.”
The Mamamia team confess- How often I’m having sex (post continues after video):
What about if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s cheated – can a leopard change its spots?
“Absolutely, anyone can change,” she said. “But you’ve got to understand what kind of guy you’re with if you want to break a cheating cycle.
“If you’re with what I’ve identified as ‘The Conqueror’, he likes to play the game. When this type of man would come and see me it was all about having mental control over me. It’s your decision if you want that type of relationship. He’s not as a good a profile as some of the others!
“There are plenty of unscrupulous women out there and a wedding ring doesn’t make you safe. If a man is a ‘Pleaser’ and he’s rock solid with the love of his life, he’s not going to cheat. That’s incredible peace of mind for a woman.”
Gwyneth describes her Intimacy Profile as “a way to empower yourself and avoid what might have been.”
Today, she’s happy. She’s about to head off to Vietnam to launch her book there and says she gets “goose bumps” when she receives emails from women thanking her for giving them a fresh insight.
“I feel like I’ve come out of a big, long tunnel. It’s like night and day. Every day is a blessing, I’ve found my purpose in life.”
For $49US you get a questionnaire (125 questions, takes about 1 hour, very personal questions so you might like to do it in private).
System generates a PDF of 157 pages. You can read your profile or the entire document to gain a thorough understanding.
***Name has been changed to protect identity