There’s a niggle in your gut that you just can’t shake. He’s come home late again, too tired for eye contact, let alone sex. Or your baby seems really sick, even though the doctor says it’s just a high temperature.
Sometimes it’s hard to know whether that feeling is your intuition whispering the truth, or you’re just being anxious and a bit paranoid.
Rachel Voysey is a psychologist and ‘cheating expert’ from the Relationship Room in Balmain. She says there’s new research that shows that there are neural networks in our brain, heart and gut.
“It suggest there is real intelligence in ‘just knowing’ or feeling something. That the intuitive heart and gut actually do communicate with the subconscious parts of the brain. It may be more scientific than we thought,” she says.
Mia Freedman talks about her experience with anxiety. Post continues after video.
Voysey believes that where infidelity is concerned, most of the time a woman’s intuition is right.
“Basically you would say that there’s definitely a level of intuition you have around cheating. There’s a certain level of disconnect that needs to happen before an affair begins. Having a single liaison maybe you won’t pick it up, but if it’s an affair there has to be a certain level of turning away from you and turning towards someone else. There needs to be a certain level of resentment, and they might start hiding their phone, or coming home late, or avoiding the children. There’s a series of events that have led to that disconnect.”
One of the things that’s hard for any wife to ignore, says Voysey, is that he’ll talk about her a lot. “If he’s having affair with the receptionist he will talk about her. They will talk about the person, they will mention that person and how great they are. Women will come in (to the clinic) and say I don’t know why but he talks about her to me – he over idealises her,” she says.
Perhaps it’s not so surprising then, that our inner voice is screaming at us. But Voysey does caution that past experiences can muddy the waters.
Research that shows that there are neural networks in our brain, heart and gut. (Image via HBO.)
“You need to ask, is this something that’s happened in the past? Is someone hyper vigilant for cheating or around kids’ heath, and self-sabotaging based on past experiences? In this case it could be your fears, more than intuition,’’ she says.
When it comes to our children, it’s sometimes almost impossible to put aside the fear to see things objectively. But for mother of one Kirstie Ryan, listening to her intuition saved her son’s life.
“Four nights in a row we took our son to the Emergency Department at the nearby hospital only to be sent home. On the fourth night the registrar actually said to me that he would x–ray my baby even though this would be subjecting him to dangerous radiation, but obviously this was the only way to stop me from being such an over-anxious mother,’’ she says.
“I felt so guilty, but I knew I had to be strong. I knew there was something that wasn't quite right.