That is what a woman said to me recently, adding: “I booked in for one as soon as I found out I was pregnant.”
There we were at the David Jones fashion show and
I was chatting with a few friends and acquaintances. When caesar-woman
joined the group, small-talk naturally turned to pregnancy. Then she
dropped her clanger.
As we clutched our cocktails that little bit tighter in the stunned
silence, she merrily picked up her shovel and kept digging: “You know,”
she emphasised conspiratorially, “so I don’t get all stretched and
floppy down there.”
Oh my lord, it’s happened, I marvelled, while wrestling my urge to smack her: I’ve finally met a real-life woman who’s Too Posh To Push. I thought they were an urban myth. Or a Hollywood truth. But regular women? Who knew!
Fortunately, at that moment we were ushered to our seats and the conversation ended. But as the models flounced down the catwalk in their pretty summer frocks, I started obsessing. “Why am I so cross with that silly woman?” I asked my friend afterwards. “Because she insulted us,” she replied. “By telling everyone she’s having a caesar to preserve her vagina, she’s basically saying all women who’ve given birth the other way are the Grand Canon.” Yes! That’s it! Damn her!
“And it’s an impossible thing to defend,” continued my friend. “If you try to say it all snaps back and that your partner is perfectly happy, you can tell she’s thinking “yeah sure, but he only tells you that because he wants to have sex with you. He’s lying and you’re the Grand Canyon and I pity you.”
Over the next few days, I re-told the story to other mothers who were similarly peeved and insulted.
“Before giving birth to my first child, a doctor told me “sex will never be the same” and suggested a Caesar” huffed one friend. “I asked in what way specifically would it be different and he said, “Well mainly it impacts on your husband…most men I speak to agree it’s not the same.” I wonder if this is a medically proven fact or a conversation he’d had on the golf course, being the insightful 70-something he was. I managed to have sex often enough to get pregnant three times in two years, so I guess my husband had no complaints!”