Before I was a mother, birth announcements would pop up all over my Facebook feed, or via text messages (if you’re as old as me.)
All of them would say the standard, "Baby Billy Bob is here, weighing six pounds, born at 2am. Mother and baby doing well". It was written by a mysterious third party, because the announcement itself gives a vision of a mother sitting blissfully with her newborn, in a nice comfy hospital room, surrounded by rose petals and a halo floating on top of her head, while she glows.
Which we know now, mamas, nothing could be further from the truth.
Most of the time, we are howling in labour for 16 hours plus, the 4.5 f*cking kilo baby is struggling to get out of you, you might not end up being able to dilate, your baby’s head is sitting in your tiny uterus hole, only for you to be then told you have to have a cesarean — so not only is your vagina being stretched out and head-butted, but you were then peeled like a can opener.
Watch: Thoughts you have while giving birth. Post continues below.